KABOOM! I found you... feel free to visit my not so new spot...

Finally...
I did some cleaning up before I start a new chapter God has presented to me.... then I saw this (apparently... the password of my long lost blogspot... no plans of going back to this one... I just wanted to ink it to the new one...) will I regret it? hmmm... we'll see.... until then you, feel free to visit the new one...

https://mybigbangtrilogy.blogspot.com/

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

 

How do I love you? Let me count the ways... uhm... it'll take another 21 years to do so... so allow me to just share some not-so "unlovable?!" things about you (Not the SSPG ones syempre) to "my" public... NAKAKAUMAY NA RIN KASI NA LAGI KITANG MAHAL... PARA MAIBA NAMAN... MATINDIHANG SIRAAN 'TO haha...

1. Pahamak ka sa buhay ko... dahil sa mga binibigay mo sa akin maraming nayabangan sa akin gusto ko lang naman ipakita na kahit ulila na ako sa Tatay, may Tatay ako sa piling mo... (di ko naman sinasabing mukha kang matanda kasi may mga bagay na obvious na kaya wag na nating pagdiinan pa diba hahaha joke lang) ---I'm a Daddy's girl--- he told you that the very first time you had a conversation at sinabi nya rin sa'yo na: WHAT RENEE WANTS, RENEE GETS... oo kasi kahit di kami mayaman, di ko naramdamang may kulang dahil binibigay nya lahat ng pangangailangan at gusto ko... di ko alam kung sinabi nya sa'yo yun para ma-turn off ka sa akin and make you walk away o dahil iba talaga ang bet nya for me (remember ang "mga" katapat mo: YAYAMANIN at MAHAL NA MAHAL AKO HIGIT PA SA KAYAMANAN NILA--- may Animo La Salle --- may Anak ng Heneral --- may Kaisa-isang Anak na tagapagmana ng Hotel/Resort at kasosyo ng may-ari ng Monterey --- May Anak ng kumpare nyang kalaro ko mula pagkabata na dito na rin naman sa America namamayagpag --- aba eh kung babalikan nga natin ano, sa dugyot kong yun noong mga panahong yun may bertud talaga ko sa mga lalaking nakakaluwagluwag sa buhay o sadyang balak lang nila kong gawing aliping namamahay bwahahaha...) when Tatay died, di ko nararamdaman na nawala sya (materially speaking, kasi parang sya ka rin lang di ko alam san nyo kinukuha mga perang pinambibili nyo sa mga bagay na tinitigan ko lang eh inassume nyo na agad-agad na gusto ko at binibili nyo ora mismo para sa akin) sa mata ng madla ako na ang MATERYOSA AT MAYABANG (walang benefit of the doubt na baka sadyang trip nyo lang bumili at ibigay sa akin at bilang pa-thank you ko eh isinusuot, ginagamit at ipinagmamalaki ko hindi ipinagyayabang:magkaiba po yun- sila na lang ang nakikitingin ako pa rin ang may kasalanan) weh di hindi na ako magdedeny eh diba nga nasa pangalan ko naman. Kailangan pa bang ipaliwanag kung bakit ako maya-BANG?! Ang totoong niyayabang ko at di ko ipagkakaila na masaya ako sa mga binibigay ninyo o ng kahit sino (GRATITUDE IS THE BEST ATTITUDE)... kung pwede ko lang nga ipakita lahat ng blessings bakit hindi? Kasi what people see (especially sa mga social media accounts ko is just a few... there is more to it than meets the eye... na mas nakakainggit para sa akin-pagmamahal na unconditional (yun na nga kahit mukha akong dugyuting banlag eh para akong dyamante sa mga taong nagpapahalaga sa akin), buo at masayang pamilya (both sides pati na rin mga pamilya kong kaibigan sa dugo pero pamilya kung pahalagahan ako-hay naku salamat po nakakataba kayo ng puso), masasayang alaala (dulot nilang mga nagmamahal sa akin), matatag na Pananampalataya (mga Panalanging di ko pa nasasabi pero naipagkakaloob na, yung tipong imbes na humingi sasabihin mo na lang SALAMAT PO TALAGA)---mas mahahalaga yun kesa sa mga bagay na nabibili)
2. Adik ka! Adik ka sa akin! Haha... pero wag kang mag-alala di kita papangalanan basta wag ka na lang manlalaban... Nabawasan ako ng mga tao sa mundo ko dahil sa sobrang pagmamahal mo sa akin, tinago mo ko para walang umagaw (lakas mo ring makamaganda eh nagfeeling tuloy ako-napaniwala mo kong di kami nagkakalayo ni Alicia Silverstone haha yun pala Annie Batumbakal na taga-Kamuning nag-assume lang ako tapos pinaramdam mo na may anggulo akong Georgina Wilsmith hahaha anggulo mo) lalo na nung may mga kumausap sa'yo nung nawala na ang Tatay ko na kung sasaktan mo ako ibigay mo na lang ako sa kanila kahit may take one na (kasamang hinihingi pati anak mo di lang ang kamay ko) kaya siguro 3 beses mo kong pinakasalan walang katakas takas... in fairness sa'yo ibinalik mo naman ako sa mundo, yun nga lang bilang na lang ang naging kaibigan ko. Pagnagtanong tungkol sa'yo nag-assume naman ako gusto kong maging close pero nung nagsabi ako ng totoo kung gaano mo ko kamahal nayayabangan sa akin, pag understatement naman minsan ang kwento ko forced humility daw peg ko o kaya kinakawawa kita... ang kwento natuloy sa lumiit na talaga ang mundo ko--- pero ok lang at least ngayon alam ko yung natirang naglakasloob magstay bilang kaibigan natin mga totoong tao. 
3. Wapakels ka! Walang pakialam, you don't give a damn... o sige pagandahin natin--- anumang walang kinalaman sa akin, YOU JUST DON'T CARE... Nawalan ka ng mundo-choice mo naman yun dahil sa pagmamahal mo sa amin ng anak mo kulang ang 24/7 para sa'yo para magsali pa ng iba mundo mo pero ako pa rin ang nasisi ng mga tao sa buhay mo nung wala pa ako dahil para sa tingin nila hindi ako karapat dapat sa'yo... pati ba yun ako pa rin ang may kasalanan... ikaw ang namili pero ako ang nachismis... ikaw ang walang pakialam pero ako ang masama... oh eh di ako na rin ulit... iniisip ko nga kung pati ba sa issue ni McArthur ako din ba dahilan bakit nya sinabing "I SHALL RETURN"? Kasi kulang na lang isali ako sa mga suspect sa pagpatay kay LapuLapu (hello, Bangus lang ang isdang kinakain ko---fishes are friends not food!)
4. Pakialamero ka! Pangarap ko pero ikaw ang tumupad... messages ko pero ikaw ang nagbabasa (at nagbubura)... pagmay nanakit sa akin in-unfriend mo o ina-unfollow... FB at IG ko ikaw ang napopost pero ako ang MAYABANG... pero dahil din dun marami akong nakilala at nakitang masasakit na katotohanan... masyado mo akong pinrotektahan sa sakit binigyan tuloy ako ng bonggang physical at terminal diseases na di mo na kayang kunin at angkinin... pero dinala mo naman ako sa pinakamagagaling na doctor dito sa mundo na inakala ng ibang tao ako na naman ang nagplano. At trip trip ko lang tong sakit ko... kundi di lang talaga masamang humiling minsan gusto lahat ng nagdududa sa sakit ko maranasan nila kahit isang araw lang yung pinagdurusahan ko hihilingin ko talaga eh kaso bad yun. Kaya duda pa more, basta alam ko naman yung totoo mumultuhin ko na lang sila pagnauna ako... joke lang... pati dun nagagalit ka pero di nila alam... (pero dahil si Dory ka este si Rory ka: may short term memory loss ka rin so pagnagagalit ka sa tao di naman tumatagal... ang di ko lang maintindihan bakit yung pagmamahal mo sa akin di mo malimutlimutan kahit sandali lang--- sige babalik na naman tayo sa pananampalatayang mong maganda ako?) 
5. Napakaseloso mo! Lahat ng nagmamahal sa akin hinihigitan mo, bago ko pa suklian pagmamahal nila minamahal mo na ng higit pa sa pagmamahal ko sa kanila pati hanggang sa pareregalo lahat talaga inangkin mo, iisa na nga lang bestfriend ko ginawa mo pang-Babe mo eh di pagmay matindihang lihim ako ikaw pa unang nakakaalam... lahat naman ng nanakit at nagpaiyak sa akin sinigurado mong mawawala sa buhay ko. Kasalanan din naman nila kung bakit minahal mo ko ng ganto dahil pinunan mo lang naman lahat ng ipinagkait nila sa akin pero salamat na rin dahil dun nagkaron ako ng dahilan para marapatin ko silang kalimutan na lang kesa umasa sa wala. Sana minahal na lang nila ko para di ka bumongga at tumodo sa pagbibigay at pagaalaga sa akin ng ganito. Pero sa paningin nila ang tanga tanga mo, di nila alam sila ang dahilan para magbigay ka ng higit pa sa deserve ko. At sa lahat ng nangahas at naghangad sirain tayo o ako sa'yo salamat rin dahil sa kanila din mas lalo lang tayong naging unkaboggable duo: solid tayo. 
   
6. Ang KULIT KULIT MO! 21 years na Bebeh ko... may naniniwala pa rin na gayuma ang ginawa ko sayo... kung alam lang nila kung ilang ulit akong lumayo para tantanan mo na ako pero habang yun ang ginagawa ko mas minamahal mo ko. Pasaway ka masyado... 
7. Ang DALDAL MO! Saksi dyan lahat ng nakakausap ko... gusto mong laging bahagi ng bawat bagay sa buhay ko... at minsan dahil naapektuhan ako kinokontak mo pa talaga sa likod ko ah... sinasaway mo ang lahat ng nananakit, sinusuway mo ang batas pag ako ang maiipit, at kahit anong bait mo kapag ako ang kinalaban nakakatikim sila ng mga salitang di nila kinakayang paniwalaang sa puso mo galing kasi tagos sa buto at may pait... may mga laban na ibalato mo na sa akin tulad ng mga Doctor na nakikipag-usap sa akin (marunong akong mag-English, masyado ka!) Ay hindi nga pala yun ang dahilan kasi nga minsan may mga Doctor din na di mo maintindihan sasaksakan ka ng gamot na pangpakalma/pampatulog/pampabangag tapos sabay kakausapin ka at tatanungin ng "HOW ARE YOU FEELING?!" Tapos pagdi nila naiintindihan sa'yo rin naman ang uwi ng usapan... haaayyy pasaway kayong parepareho...
8. Bukas naman inaantok na ko eh hehe.... going back... OA ka!Sa lahat ng bagay, OA ka magmahal, OA ka mag-alaga, magprotekta... Di ako nasasakal... just hate being hated, suffering the consequences of your pagka-OA... Ayaw mo ng masaya lang kami... gusto mo masayang-masaya kami... Sa mga gamit na binibili mo for me (especially) you always want the LIMITED EDITIONS kasi ayaw mo ng may kapareho ako, you always want me to stand out... at dahil dun hindi nahahalata ng mga taong maysakit ako (not that I don't want then to see it but along withem not seeing it meant, not believing me too.... but what the heck, the price I have to pay is waaaaayyy too simple than the perks I get to have by being MRS. RORY CONCEPCION... OA ka dahil di ka nahihiyang makipagrub elbows sa mga designer executives just to get me the exclusives, the first items (pati yung mga di pa lumalabas sa mall meron na ko, eh di ikaw na ang insider) from make-up to clothes and shoes wala kang pakialam mapagkamalan kamang closet gay basta mabili mo at maiuwi mo ang mga girly stuff you want to give me... 
9.  OC ka disorder yun kaya wag kang matuwa... you want me to experience the best things life has to offer... you make the impossible, possible... you make everything DOABLE... Your hopes are too high kahit mga doctor na nagpakaexpert sa sakit ko ang nagsabi sa'yo what to expect as they (my diseases) progress... You also make sure that you don't miss a thing about your son's life... Nalimutan mong nasa US ka na at ang anak mo ay almost 20 na... You still make it appoint he gets to sleep 8 hours a day, eat healthy (hence, you learned to cook "HEALTHY MEALS") Mula nagkasakit or let me rephrase it, mula nung nalaman na natin ang mga congenital illnesses ko, inassume mo na ang position ko bilang NANAY sa pamilya natin... Sa pagiging OC mo, dumami masyado mga ginagawa mo... No wonder people at work felt bothered that you might not be able to meet their expectations---but you amazed them and actually exceeded their expectation... di mo naman kasi sila na-heads up na IKAW SI SUPERMAN... at kahit ako ang iyong Kryptonite eh ako rin ang bato mo mula kay Ding tuwing gusto mong maging si Darna... kung sa Sex and the City, ako si SJP - Carrie at ikaw naman si Big... inangkin mo naman ang SJP role sa I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT... pero believe me, kahit ako, I don't know how you do it... so well, na di ko halatang NAPAPAGOD KA... yung totoo, aminin mo, IMMORTAL KA BA? SAN GALING ANG LAKAS MO? SINO KA BA TALAGA?
10. NAKAKAINGGIT KA! at napapamukha mo sa akin talaga na wala na akong kailangan gawin kundi magaling, inalis mo ang karapatan kong umangal dahil ang PERFECT mo... iyak ka rin paminsan para maramdaman ko namang tao ka rin... inalis mo rin ang karapatan naming humiling, kasi with you, nasa amin na ang lahat---- yung pagmamahal mo sa amin nakakaparalyze, I will never doubt kung dumating yung araw na baka pagnalimutan kong huminga ikaw na rin ang gagawa nun para sa akin... andaming sumubok agawin ka sa amin (pwede bang mag-namedrop?) joke... pero kahit sila sumuko at pinili na lang na kaibiganin ako para lang wag silang mawala sa buhay mo... pati mga kaibigan ng anak mo hinihiling na ikaw na lang ang maging Tatay nila... dahil nakakainggit nga... at lahat yan dahil ikaw nga si BIG.... you have a big heart, big soul, big **** SSPG ---etc... that makes you not just one in a million but UNIQUELY THE ONE! My ONE AND ONLY GREAT LOVE... and that is an understatement--- YOU ARE LARGER THAN LIFE!!!!!!!!!

 

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, BIG!

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH BEBEH KO!!!

(IN EVERY SENSE OF THAT WORD)

PWD CHRONICLES: I forgot my New blogspot...

They say life begins at 40... 

if that is so, then you are about to turm one... 

I'll give you a peek of the story of the guy named RORY:

You will be the firstborn of your loving parents Al & Ruth--- (thought bubble: they probably thought you'd be a girl, coz your Mom was very pretty all throughout her pregnancy... hence, the name RORY...)

Baby Rory, you will be a very smart kid and someone very famous in school (or so you thought). 

• You will be a Valedictorian one day... good job! Kudos to your Mommy and Daddy who will play such big roles in making you not just a smart and famous boy but also a handsome and a happy one... ok let's fast forward a bit, in high school you will still be as smart as always but not as competitive anymore, you will give way for others to shine. 
• You will start to fall in love with music more than your books... make friends because of the bond you will have with people after a soulful epiphany at at recollection (the need to have friends to share your life's little secrets and boys' stuff too)... but you will still gonna make it to your dream school (ok let's be honest, THE ONLY SCHOOL YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS CAN AFFORD & because of the love you have for your siblings who will come after you, you will prefer to go to a prestigious state University)... 
• After 3 years you, will meet a new friend (a girl, of course, through your erstwhile high school classmate - she will introduce you to her gorgeous cousin) just in time when you will need a company because your parents will need help from someone- a nanny perhaps because your two youngest sibling (a toddler and a newborn will need someone to take good care of them) being the loving son that you will always be, you will decide to take a leave of absence for a semester.  
• Never in your wildest dream have you seen yourself falling for your bestfriend who will just be there to help you take care of your beloved siblings (neither she will see herself being around you because for her you will just be a "friend", by the time you meet her, she already has a life - a bestfriend and a "future" that her father had planned for her-) 
• When you go back to school, you will realize that that same girl whom you will spend time for a semester off from school will also be the same girl you will never get by without. You will look for her. Your life from then on will be just about her. You will find yourself insanely in love with that person who will only consider you a friend... 
• You will always be by her side and she will face a lot of struggles and you (being the knight in shining armor you have always dreamt of becoming hahaha - ako nagkukwento, so ako syempre bida!- you will try to save her) she will never choose you because she will feel that you will be too clingy, too poor, (though brainy) too weak for her to lean on. But you will prove yourself worthy (by taking advantage of her weakness- again, uulitin ko kwento ko kaya ako ang bida- kwento ka para ikaw naman ang bida hahaha- you will get her pregnant) she will run away but you will never leave her side not let her go and will hold on to the baby she will carry---user lang--- hahaha... then you will get married against your parents will and will prove yourself worthy of a chance to the parents of your baby's mother. They will give you the chance (kasi hello "matutulog" ka sa tapat ng bahay nila!?! Duh?!)... 
• 20 years and a hundred plus lbs later you will find yourself in a place you have never imagined yourself to be at and in a situation you never dreamt of to be in, you will be able to fix all the damages done to the ones who matter to you, deal with all the littlest and greatest struggles because you will be the Strongest Super Hero ever, you will prove the impossible : possible, hence----
• You will end up with the person you have always dreamed of HAVING AND BEING YOURS - SHE WILL BE YOURS "VOLUPTUOUS" BODY, "BEAUTIFUL" MIND (yung pa-schizo na ay gifted pala) AND "GOOD" SOUL ALONG (downside: she comes WITH FACTORY DEFECTS THAT YOU WILL ONLY LEARN ABOUT 16 YEARS LATER BUT DON'T WORRY SHE WILL GROW OLD WITH YOU BECAUSE SHE WILL MAKE YOU HER GREATEST LOVE OF ALL - Lucky you, ang ganda siguro talaga nun--- (again kwento ko to AKO ANG BIDA HAHA)... and 
• You will be proud of being able to raise a beautiful boy who flies a plane, drives a bimmer, speaks French, Spanish, English, TAGALOG fluently- a bit of German and understands a little Nihonggo (but couldn't speak it), an achiever just like you (only far much good-looking-thanks to his Mom's genes), loves music (composes and sings way better than you can- hence you will give him his own lil recording studio corner along with the gadgets needed), makes you proud of all his achievements but will bet real money: he's a high maintenance baby... because growing up he will not ask you for toys but when he turns 16 he will start wanting to play guitar, keyboard, go places (out of the country), just like you he will be so engrossed with photography and pricey lens and lights and will even ask for a studio, eats like a true blue growing boy (and oh boy, coursed meals), he will want to have lots of headphones from music playing to Pilot/Aviation noise-reduction types, will ask for Vinyls and of course its player, a car (he will just mention liking to have one but you will give it to him as a gift-because YOU WILL BE A DADDY ANY KID WOULD WANT TO HAVE, oh by the way, when will I have one Dadeeeeyyy🤣), he will shock you with Sky Hawk's expenses... that will be the reason you will eventually thank God for having just one kid (after all one is more than enough- even though you and your GF in college dreamed of having at least 4 or 5 because you both love kids)... 
• Your BEAUTIFUL story will go on and on and it will only get better and better as time goes by...

Here's my advice for you, Baby Boy: 

Live. Laugh. Love.

Live life.

Love it. 

Then whenever it gets tough --- just LAUGH!

You will always be that smart, cute, loving little boy and clearly, having you will always be the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to me (when you turn 19) and Jacob (when you turn 21)... 

Always begin with this story in mind because you will have no regrets! 

Or will you have you?! We'll see when you turn 40...

but for now... Enjoy being 1!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY BIG BABY BOY!

Come to Mama, come to Mama! 

Peek-a-boo!

PWD CHRONICLES: Lenten Sacrifice?!

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family who observes the lenten season like it happened not so long ago.... 

A year or two before my father died, we were able to discuss his deeper insights on commemorating the Passion and Death of Christ (too bad he was not able to see the movie) it was exactly the way he told me the story... And the life of Christ must not be remembered for just an entire week (Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday) -sorry Tay, ngayon 2days na lang Maundy Thursday and Good Friday na lang yung iba nga Good Friday na lang talaga- going back he said, that Jesus came from Heaven to earth to show the way from the earth to the cross from cross to grave from the grave to the sky He lifts the name of the Lord on high... He told me that fasting for the whole entire holy week won't mean a thing if you will spend the entire year doing the wrong thing... He said that the commandments used to be 10 but Jesus  made it as simple as 2: 

1. Love God above all

2. Love others as you love yourself 

Easier as it may seem but still BETTER SAID THAN DONE...

Retreats, recollections, fasting call it however but for me after my father died, it became a moment of silence wherever and whenever... (Especially knowing how much I love to talk)... A moment of silence for me is like death on the cross... But the learnings my Tatay left behind made listen in silence and hear how the Lord speaks to us... It is in silence that I truly find peace and joy... I am a gullible person and I love to belong to groups of people but one day something took that away from me but I'm glad... In my solitude I can speak with God... Unspoken words yet meaningful and heartwarming... He comforts my pain. He spends time with me. In my weakest moments, He enlightens me with His own story so how can I complain... For 4 years now, I am not commemorating his life during Lenten Season... I share with His Passion all year round... And I am forever grateful that He allowed me to have time to forgive and be forgiven. So ask me how I'd want to spend my HOLY WEEK, I'll share with you my (personal) journey for the past four years... And I still have my memory intact, I can share with you the Spiritual journey our family have had for the past 35 years...

To my son: You are not INVISIBLE to me...

I-push mo yan...

Bukas... 13 years na akong walang Tatay...

Binalikan ko ang mga huling sandali bago nya kami iniwan ng mga panahong iyon...
Bilang sya ang pinakamatalinong tao na tinitingala ko mula pagkabata, ninais kong higupin ang laman ng utak nya dahil alam kong anumang sandali ay malapit na syang mawala... Nakakatawa lang isipin na noong di ko pa alam na mamamatay sya walang masyadong halaga ang mga pangaral nya sa akin... (mga life lessons na ngayon ay pilit kong inaalala at pinipilit kong isabuhay)... Ngunit di naman ako nagsayang ng sandali, mula nang ipaalam sa amin ng mga doktor na hindi na sya magtatagal, bawat pagkakataon na makausap at matanong sya ay ginawa ko.... Kaya nang sya ay pumanaw, maluwag naman ang aking kalooban at walang pagsidlan ng pagsisisi... Marahil kung mayroon man yun ay ang sanay nagawa ko ng mas maaga ang mga bagay bagay...

Isa sa pinakamahalagang natutunan ko mula sa aking Tatay ay ang pananampalataya kay Lord... LETTING GO & LETTING GOD... sa bawat pagkakataong nagkakamali ako at wala akong lusot si Lord ang nilalapitan ko... kaya naman siguro dahil masyado akong nasanay magkamali noon binigyan na ako ng ULTIMATUM ni Lord (o malamang ni Tatay)... na hindi lahat ng kamalian ko ay malulusutan ko... Pinaalala sa akin ng mga pagkakamali ko na ang lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit... PERO PERO PERO... kahit naman ang mga bagay na tama may katumbas... GANTIMPALA... itinatak ko sa utak ko mula noon:
BAWAT MALI = PARUSA (bayad pinsala)
BAWAT TAMA = GANTIMPALA (reserba para sa bayad pinsala... hahaha)
Banker kasi ang Tatay ko kaya tinuro nya sa akin ang BANKING SYSTEM na ni minsan ay di ko naipakitang natutunan ko nung nabubuhay pa sya... Magaling lang ako noon magkamali at bahala na si Batman... nung wala na si Tatay, napatunayan kong marami palang nagastos sa akin si Batman... Napilitan akong magcrash course: BANKING 101...

Ang buhay ay parang bangko... Kapag may inimpok, may mahuhugot pagdumating ang mga pangangailangan... eh modern times na tayo ngayon... kahit wala kang inimpok MAY CREDIT CARD... utang utang din pag may time... pero dapat handa kang magbayad kung hindi ay malulubog ka sa utang... AT MAY INTERES... kasi nga wala kang pinuhunan... MAY POINT diba... kaya kung hindi ka masyadong magaling magbayad... WAG MANGUTANG... kung hindi ka magaling mag-ipon... IWASAN MONG MAGKARON NG PANGANGAILANGAN... pwede ba yun? PWEDE... Si Lord ang banker kaya safe ang mga inipon... Minsan nga kahit di natin kailangan nagdagdag Siya ng perks and privileges eh... nasa sa atin na lang kung mamimihasa tayo o magiging inspirasyon yun sa pag-iipon...
Isang malaking halimbawa ang mga ipon na TIWALA (investment ni Lord sa atin)... Lahat tayo ay may INITIAL DEPOSIT galing kay Lord--- FREE WILL... Pag ginamit mo alam mo dapat kung ano ang mga risks...

AT DAHIL HINDI AKO MASYADONG MAHILIG SA NUMBERS (hahaha)... dumating ako sa punto ng buhay ko na kesa binabalance ko ang bank account ko ng deposit at withdrawal... nagsimula na akong magtipid... (PINALIIT KO NA ANG MUNDO KO)... Hirap akong gumawa ng tama kapag may nakikita akong mali sa paligid ko at nakakalusot sila... nahihimok akong gumawa rin ng ganun... at kapag ginawa ko at siningil ako... sumasama ang loob ko... at dahil paulit-ulit akong nasisingil, naisip kong marahil ganun ako kamahal ni Lord... ayaw Nya akong malubog sa matinding INTERES ng pagkakautang kaya di nya ako binibigyan ng MATAAS NA CREDIT LIMIT... so utang ngayon ---bayad agad... habang ang mga nasa paligid ko--- utang utang utang --- takas takas takas --- utang utang utang ulit --- takas takas takas... pero yari kayo sa singilan (beh beh beh beh beh)... hahaha...

Naisip ko na mas maliit ang mundo ko, mas maliit ang pagkakataong magkamali... RISK: MAS MADALING MASAKTAN... kasi pag maliit ang mundo limited ang galaw... ADVANTAGE: mas madali ring sumaya dahil hawak mo ang bawat galaw... pambihira naman na masaktan ka pa ng sarili mo kung ikaw na lang ang laman ng mundo mo... Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na hahayaang masaktan ako ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko... dahil maikli lang ang buhay at subok ko na yun... makailang ulit na rin akong muntik bawian... hindi na ako masyadong nahihirapan makisama (pag nega... ALAM NA)... Natuto akong mag-invest sa mundo ko gamit ang maliit kong ipon... ang Return Of Investmen: PAGMAMAHAL rin...
ang LIABILITIES: ano pa ba!?!? nasa word na yun mismo LIE-ABILITY... bawat investment may risk na malugi---mauubos ang TRUST... pero kapag marunong ka mag-invest... at marami sa iyong investments ang nag-ROI marami ka pa ring LOVE... yun ay kung matapang kang magrisk na pwedeng malugi ulit ng paulit-ulit... sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ng pinakamalaking investment ko ang MAINTAINING BALANCE ko: ANG SELF-LOVE... at hindi ko yun hahayaang magalaw for emergency purposes... kaya kapag may luge ako sa investment ko, may lungkot man--- may ngiti pa rin... Example: Alam ko na malaking investment ang pagtitiwala sa mga teenagers ngayon... pero kailangan matutunan ng anak ko ang BANKING SYSTEM... kung kaya't binigyan ko sya ng napakalaking TRUST FUND... na bawal sanang i-withdraw 3-6-12-month ang rule... kaya lang dahil nga hindi pa nila alam ang kalakaran ng BANKING... kapag may gustong bilhin (may lakad ang barkada)--- handang magsara ng bank account (lumagpas sa curfew)... para sa mga bagay na hindi rin naman pala nila ganun kagusto (nasa huli ang pagsisisi...)

Ngayon ang aking binata ay BANKRUPT... hahaha... gusto ko sanang mag-auto-deposit... investment ulit... pero pinag-aaralan ko pa ang mga by-laws ng contrata... given na ang katransaksyon ko ay wala pang masyadong alam sa INVESTMENT/BANKING/RISKS... mukhang kakailanganin kong magsimula ulit sa addition at subtraction (back to basics)... masyadong komplikado ang BANKING para sa mga teenager ng henerasyon na ito na kahit ang pagbibilang ng 1 hanggang 10 ay inaasa pa sa celfone... babalik tayo sa bundok anak... tuturuan kitang magbilang gamit ang mga bato at dahon... (drugs ba ito inay?---hahaha) sisimulan natin ang buhay na walang gadget... kwentuhan ang original na CHAT... mga pangaral ang mga unang HASH TAGS... ang tahanan ang pinakamasayang CHATROOM... pamilya ang dapat mong unang I-FOLLOW at I-TAG (mahihirapan kang magfriend request kapag binlock mo)... memories natin ang bubuo ng INSTAGRAM ng buhay mo... kaya pag natutunan mo na ang lahat ng yan saka natin I-PUSH ang INTERNET BANKING... okay?!?!

Mabilis lang ang processing basta kumpleto ka sa requirements, Anak...
ang mga requirements:
#1 ACCEPTANCE (na kailangan nating magback to basics kasi nag-ZERO BALANCE ka so closed ang account)...
#2: UNDERSTANDING (kasi pagtinanggap mo na nagkamali ibig sabihin ka handa ka na uling sumunod-mas maingat ka na kasi naranasan mo na ang ma-close account- naiintindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng RISK)...
#3: OBEDIENCE (kapag sumusunod ka na... lahat ng bagay magiging madali dahil sa BANKING NG BUHAY may subok na SYSTEM na para mas maliit ang pagkakataong maluge---may guidelines na--- ang BIBLE)...

after mo isubmit ang mga requirements na yan... i-e-evaluate ni Banker at sasabihan kaming mga TELLER kung pwede ka na ulit mag-open ng bagong account... na maaaring probationary account pero mas maganda na yun kesa wala... para mapatunayan mo rin kung natutunan mo na talaga ang simple banking...

so ANAK---- I-PUSH MO YAN...

PWD Chronicles: SPG (Strict Parental Guidance) recommended... HELP NEEDED

Much as I have my own views on the matter... I want to help my friend cope with an infidelity without any prejudice...
She recently found out that her bestfriend and her husband were having an affair... when she confronted her husband, he denied that they were having an affair and told her that it was plainly for the purpose of lending them (the girl and her kids) money... when she asked the girl she admitted that it was way, way back and it had ended already...  but when she started her fact-finding probe, she learned a lot more than that... her bestfriend never told her anything about the regular financial help she was getting from her husband... her husband eventually confessed everything about the affair after she gathered gazillion of intertwining stories from different individuals who apparently know about the affair but just couldn't come out because it was a very sensitive matter given that she is physically unwell... she is currently at a loss as to how to treat things fairly and justly... her bestfriend is basically her everyday buddy and her kids are like hers, that's what tears her apart...

I have a strong BIASED conviction when it comes to such things... so to be impartial,  I am taking this chance to solicit as much advice as I can regarding this matter...

It is so easy to pass judgement (ehem #Iamguilty) especially when you are not a part of the story... on the other hand, it is difficult to see the light when you are the one involved... so to give a friend a hand on this matter, I am asking some hypothetical questions... please feel free to share your thoughts...

Q1: What do you when you found out that your husband is having an affair with you bestfriend?

Q2: In the case that your husband admitted everything about the affair and wants to have another chance, is it still ok that he doesn't cut ties with your bestfriend and her kids? If not, how do you ask him to do it? (#she wants him to do it voluntarily but he is "as is")

Q3: Is it still ok to be friends with the bestfriend who still comes clean and denies everything?

PWD CHRONICLES: I am NOTEworthy...

When you are confined/restricted from doing physical activities, you only have limited options to choose from... sleep, eat, pray, cry, talk, surf the web, watch TV, read books...

among these choices,  
WATCHING TV/DVD (less strenuous than reading, I guess, coz in reading, your mind is also active (spell: STRESSED)
AND/OR
SLEEPING (which I can't overdo---coz---again, as I've said, I have "brain issues") cause the least stress... or lesser evil if I may say so... because you are still actively doing something "An idle mind is a devil's workshop"...

Pray, yeah right... I do that... but Praying won't take that much time and it only makes me long for Heaven all the more and a lot sooner coz the lesser time I spend in flesh and blood, the better... coz my chances of committing sin is slimmer hihihi)

My ever-loving (naks!) husband saw my painful struggle/boredom in the hospital coz this time around I didn't burden my friends to take care of me... they did hang around but only to visit... no more 24/7 monitoring chats and shifting schedules in keeping me company...

Maybe he thought that my "wanting to cope on my own" was alarming so when he came home from work last night, he handed me this... at first I thought it was a book because it was inside a brown bag from National Bookstore... to my surprise, it was a NOTE!!! Waaaaahhhh!!!

(He'd been convincing me to get the iP5 ever since it came out but I always declined coz I still have my reliable iP4s which is barely a year old plus the thought that my maintenance meds are costly enough to begin with...

*I remember telling him in passing that I would rather have this whatchamacallit-gadget (the one I often see when I'm doing my daily exercise---KOREANOVELA MARATHON haha!) than get the new iPhone...


I never thought he listens to my nonsense blahblah-angst... He takes note pala of every word I say even if it was uttered as a joke... hehe... It feels good to know that inutile as I am, he still believes that "I AM NOTE-WORTHY"...

PWD Chronicles: Better late than never... (Birthday post)

Been in and out of the hospital for months already... I dread the sight of SLMC... I'm panicky at each time I feel any of the countless symptoms... one day, I decided to just live the life the way I wanted... whatever it takes... life is short anyway, why not make the most out of it...

12-01-12... the first day of my birthday month officially started the celebration... went out to buy my wheels... ;-) so I can go anywhere anytime with my boys without the heck of crying everytime my hands & legs decide to go on strike... FYI: I am not permanently crippled, I can still walk but I easily get tired... my muscles randomly go on strike and they just stall... LITERALLY... for my safety, my husband wants me to be on my wheels most of the time... at home, I still get to move around but I choose not to because I am more accident prone now...

12-02 up to 12-11-12... surprises here and there... greetings and great things from everywhere... I couldn't ask for more... my excitement sometimes results to another ER visit... so I have to be relaxed even when my heart leaps for joy everytime I get a surprise... hihihi!

12-12-12... My bro-in-law's wedding... already feeling unwell but I had to be there because I wanted to be there... so I asked God to give me enough strength to spend that very special day with them... true enough, He gave me just enough to last me the whole day... I was getting weaker and weaker (even while I was resting) as the day passes and just when I thought I was going to get better coz we're heading home, the unexpected happened... something inside my gut just decided to say I'M TIRED and I'M OUTTA HERE... boom! I tried to fake smiles but tears just showed themselves in front of everybody... that was when my husband decided to rush me to the hospital (yet again)... I even remember saying: "Babe, wag mo kong dadalhin sa ibang hospital hindi nila alam yung sakit ko... ayokong maging guinea pig..." (my in-laws reside in FARview... meaning: SLMC Global (where my records and my doctors are) is hours away and I might be dead even before I get there in case of emergency...

At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:

Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,... 
Me: B, ang kati... 
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse... 
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...

A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!

I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!

So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)

See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...

I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe

This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...

***Most of the gifts I got on my birthday were religious items... It was not those things that made me pray more and more but the FAITH, HOPE, LOVE that those items stand for... It is humbling when you know that more people talk to God about you... when they light candles to symbolize their ardent wish for your healing... when masses are being held for your speedy recovery... it is more than words to say how much they love you... because they wanted to be with you more... they find this life more beautiful having you around... for me, making them spend more time on their knees for my sake is already a blessing of LOVE... I couldn't be happier, more blessed, more grateful knowing how many people send prayers for me... I live to thank each one of you! You have already brought down HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR ME! Thank you all so much! My heart is filled with your love and prayers!

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

THANK YOU, LORD!!!

PWD Chronicles: Watch and Learn

Answering the question: "HOW ARE YOU?" can really be so exhausting at times so more often than not I find myself saying: "I'm fine!" and my insides just scream the painful hell out of me saying: AMALAYER... hehe...

I don't look sick...
but you don't look stupid...
looks can be deceiving... http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/

I hope those who truly care for me may take time to watch this video to further explain what: "I'M FINE" really means to me... Apart from having Epilepsy, Muscular Myotonic Dystrophy, Degenerative Disc Disease, GERD and a fatty liver, I also happen to suffer this Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... I am not posting all these for pity... I don't need it... I need your prayers... nothing more, nothing less... I don't need judgement, I am bound to face the final one (we all are, anyway)... just please allow me to enjoy life while it lasts...

 

I DIDN'T GET THIS BECAUSE I LACK SLEEP... IT IS THE OTHER WAY AROUND... I LACK SLEEP BECAUSE I HAVE THIS... FOR CRYING OUT LOUD... IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO RATHER THAN SPENDING TIME SURFING THE NET... IT IS THE LEAST PAINFUL/DANGEROUS THING TO DO WHEN YOU ARE HANDICAPPED, WELL THAT'S WAY BETTER THAN CRYING & CURSING THE DAY I WAS BORN, MIND YOU...

 

Despite all these, I am grateful for my life... 

my pain and/or the people who want to put me don't can't make me feel otherwise...

God is good!

He makes all things beautiful...

In HIS time...

PWD Chronicles: Fly me to the moon...

Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to explore the world... I wanted to be a flight attendant so I can earn while I'm living my dream...

I've always wanted to travel...  to see new places... to meet new faces...

but God has other plans...

After a college degree, a marriage degree and a kid, I still tried my luck...
degree = check... 
height = check...
face = DOUBLE check (just kidding)...
vital stats = TRIPLE check (pagbigyan nyo na)
skills = ?HALA!?!??!?! "swimming skill" is a must for a flight attendant...
dun pa lang BOKYA na... I never learned how to swim (because even as a child, I already had this muscle sprain -pulikat- my reflexes were very slow to respond given that I was hyper active pa at that time... back then, I thought it was just an embarrassing thing... now, science has got a name for it "MUSCULAR MYOTONIC DYSTROPHY"-soshal na pulikat/pamimitig ng laman-laman... Now, that explains why I was never successful with girly Chinese garter tricks without getting wounded because I would usually trip & fall face first on the ground as I hopped... hmmm... kaya siguro ako na-'pango'... sabi ko na eh, I have this feeling that I was born with a perfectly-pointed nose but those frequent accidents might've caused my misfortune hahaha...

Growing up, I was able to go places... my parents were self-financed missionaries who spread the word of God to the poorest of the poor---... so I got to travel... but not really the kind that I have dreamt of... it's fulfilling though... I just wished I was able to document those mission works... we went places, gathered experiences, name it... (I'll try to get some photos-if there are still anything left of it)... so I told myself, "this is living my dream the noble way"... hmmm... di ko naman kasi na-mention kay Lord na gusto ko pleasure travel sabi ko lang gusto ko magtravel... that mission work didn't last long coz my father passed away even before he landed to his dream mission trip... THE HOLY LAND... he got financed by a philanthropist who sends preachers like him as tourist guides to the HOLY LAND but before he was able to fly, he was diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis (which is now very clear to me - having the same symptoms due to excessive meds my fatty liver is also acting up- Tatay got his cirrhosis from the chronic liver problems brought about by eating whatever was served during his mission works then... my Nanay would usually scold him for that but she wasn't able to stop him from showing the people in the mountains/depressed areas that he was one of them... his immersion tactics led him to heaven's gate if I may say so... My Nanay would rather have us and herself starved to death than eat food that she didn't prepare-kaya siguro buhay pa kami)... so in short, my travel dreams died with my father...

Being married to a homebody made my dream to travel a luxurious FANTASY that could only happen when I am asleep and since I'm an insomniac, ALAM NA... impossible na talaga... during our first few years as a couple, he would rather buy food, sit back and relax at home than go to the mall to see the movies... given that he is a movie buff, he would patiently wait for his movies to be shown on TV rather than making short trips to the movie house... mind you, we didn't have cable pa then so waiting was like forever... gladly, we both landed a job in the film-making industry, so we got to have free movie passes from time to time... PAMBIHIRA NAMAN KUNG DI PA KAMI MAGMALL diba... I never got tired of praying to God, asking Him to give me the chance to see other places apart from the usual workplace, our home and the places in between... hahaha... True enough that when you pray with the purest intent, He will grant your wish... I was able to go places... thank You, Lord! pero may mali na naman sa prayers ko... sabi ko kasi "LORD, SANA KAHIT MINSAN LANG PALABASIN NYO AKO NG PILIPINAS"... so minsan nga lang... hehe...

Given all the answered prayer, multiple entry visas, the 'moohlas' to travel... I am here... UNFIT to travel... immobile... (thank God, my upper extremities are still cooperating though-oops, wag nating batiin baka maki-join sa pagha-hibernate ng legs ko)...

Can you just imagine how someone who loves to travel, someone whose only dream is to explore the world she lives in feels like when she cannot move her legs given her strong will and unkaboggable youth... it is beyond words... it is insanely absurd... ironically frustrating... but life has to go on... taking those small steps at a time is always better than lying on the bed... getting somewhere is already an answered prayer... short distance walks without pain really make me smile... long distance road trips make my heart shout for joy... and having those moments with my boys captured in photos makes me sing praises... having friends and family who understand what I am going through and reading/hearing/seeing those affirmative gestures of hope that I will be better again already make me feel heaven down here on earth...

I am forever grateful...
I am very much alive...
still breathing...
and hoping for a clearance to travel by plane (aba at talagang umaasa pa ah... OH YES, hope is the air that I breathe...)
And yes, those supermarket trips I usually do alone whenever I feel like it has become an addition to our family bonding activities... I can now have my husband join me inside the fitting room every time I go shopping for clothes... you see the perks of being God's favorite child/PWD-Persons With Divine love... He has got His reason, I am enjoying each season... to date, it is the season of love and unity... because I am never alone... I got nurses - one in SKYPE (virtual Nurse Jill), one on the phone (phone-a-nurse-Eva) and a doctor in the house (Dr. House aka Mr. Big)...

now, my hands are kinda asking me to rest... til my next kwento...

PWD Chronicles: Seizures (I'm sick, no doubt)... cease yours (coz those doubts you can live without)...

At 33, I have witnessed two of my batch-mates die of serious illnesses, one with a brain tumor and the other with cancer... they were both fighters, but they succumbed to their illnesses in such a short span of time... When a "once young" fella (like seventy-ish...++) die of such conditions we would usually hear people at the wake say: "He/she lived a full life... he/she had served his/her purpose... he/she accomplished his/her mission"... but when someone 30ish die, it is just shocking... Unfortunate... sad, sad story... Why? are short-lived lives unaccomplished?! but what if they have lived it to the fullest?! who knows? Apart from being sad about their passing, I became wary coz I have not been health-conscious for a long time... what if something happens to me? how will my boys carry on without me? I was anxious that I wanted to start the year right...

January of this year, my husband and I started with a cardio-something program at the gym...
Towards the end of my first session, I felt some kind of numbness-turned-tiredness-turned-painful cramps all over my body... I ignored it thinking it might just be a natural physical reaction cause I was "exercise-less" for a long time... I opted to ignore the pain as it worsened hoping it would go away as soon as my body gets accustomed to the exercise pattern... but after two weeks, I had a partial UNMOVABLE - UNCONTROLLABLE body (it was a battle between feeling nothing-as in numb- and feeling excruciating pain). I had it checked at a nearby mall-clinic (as I have this "hospital"-phobia)... they gave me several lab tests (blood stuff-xray-physical, etc)... then the Doctor prescribed painkillers but to no avail...  prescribed stronger painkillers... again to no avail... those pills even gave me more pain and allergies... for the 'nth' follow-up check up, my doctor gave me steroids for pain so I can sleep at night... steroids kinda cheated the pain coz it made me focus on my blisters, swollen gums, bloated face etc... in short, my condition got worse... I thought I can live with the pain and somehow get used to it... but I thought wrong... two consecutive seizures got me so scared that I found myself seeking for a second, hmm... actually, 3rd? opinion... I was referred to a Internal Med - Cardiologist at the best hospital in our country... so back to square one... blood test, Holter-monitoring twas a cool stuff, etc blah blah... all the lab results were clean and I am as healthy as a horse... PRAISE THE LORD!!! Ok... that being my state of mind, I started ignoring the pain and lived the way I used to... mind you, with the excruciating pain getting worse, I almost wished to join  my Tatay as he rests in peace... day by day, I was becoming emotionally weak as my body got weaker and weaker at that time... My soul was willing but my flesh was so weak... it was frustrating because my beloved husband's birthday was fast approaching and much as I wanted to go to the mall to get him something, I was too weak to care... thank goodness we're living in this electronic age... 212121 just gets everything done in a jiffy... who says an immobile like me couldn't make a big surprise?! hehe... no matter how strong my faith was, my body says otherwise... my husband could no longer bear watching me like that so he researched and found doctors who would best figure out what causes my symptoms... 

A set of Neurologists - Neurosurgeons... An Ortho... And a Psychiatrist (just kidding)... after running some serious tests like Cranial, cervical, spinal MRIs ; EEG, EMG, EMG-NCV; etc etc they found out that I had a post encephalitis-something (get ready to drown with medical terms here hahaha)...
Let's cut it short, so to date:  I have an Epilepsy (EPI-caused by a tiny brain tumor -> causing the seizures), I also happen to have a Muscular Myotonic Dystrophy (MMD- congenital- but late onset) and the one causing the pain - I am suffering from a Degenerative Disc Disease- Spondylosis -Cervical Spinal Stenosis (DDD- is a natural condition if I am 60-ish but since I am 30-ish it is an abnormality)... Given all these, when people ask me how I am or why have I been checking in-&-out of the hospital lately, I instantly get tired just by thinking of how to explain my condition... so I'd often answer like this :"ETO... wish ko lang FLU sakit ko, madaling gamutin, madaling i-explain at lalung lalo na madaling i-spell haha---lahat ng sakit ko madali sanang gamutin kung hindi sila nagsabay-sabay kasi yung solusyon sa isa-ikamamatay nung isa-pagmay ginamot kahit alin sa kanila lalala yung iba...waaaaaaaahhhhh!!!"... it's not a sarcasm... I wish there's a term or more like, words that would not sound alarming but could explain my condition well... after months and months of suffering from these conditions, I still can't find a better way to tell my story...  I'll try to find time to explain each of my condition in layman's term in my upcoming blog posts... Just an update: my fatty liver is advancing its way to create a scene as the lead role but my GERD/Heartburn is making sure it still holds the title being the most sensitive case of all times...

To this day, I am still in denial about the severity of my condition... I am keeping the faith, faking the pain, playing hide and seek with hope... I am in the process of making the most of what is left for me (how ever long or short that may be)... Living life one day at a time is in itself rewarding because when you know that you may be gone anytime, you will have no room for the unnecessary-YOU WILL DO NOTHING BUT GOOD DEEDS... I am coping with all the emotional stress that came along with this challenge... My boys are trying to make this fight as fun as ever... my family, friends---those who have personal knowledge of my condition are worried sick as hell but they are keeping my spirit high... Living with physical pain is already sickening, being "literally" sick is far much worse but having people wanting to see you bounce back to your old healthy "YOU" makes each day bearable... thank you guys!

I can't blame those who couldn't believe that I am terminally ill... coz I myself DON'T hehehe... I can go on and on with stories about how uplifting and/or depressing those disbelief had made me feel for the past months... (again, I'd also reserve that for my upcoming posts)... Mind you, being sick and choosing to stay on the bed can be literally FATAL... so sharing the itsy bitsy stuff about it may be helpful or may be harmful as I have to go through the details again... but then again, what is there to lose anyway... I'd write, shop, talk, dance, sing, cook, glide and most of all, TRAVEL while I still can... for what it's worth, this is the time when I have to go beyond the limits of medicine... when the doctors tell you that you have incurable diseases, you can either die of sadness-self-pity-sorrow or you can happily live life to the fullest... I chose the latter... 

I'm not giving up without a fight... I am struggling with fate along with my faith for my boys because each day I only get to choose between less painful and painfully-numbing-pain... so on my less painful days, I join my friends who never get tired of dragging me out of bed, bringing me to places, throwing instant parties in my honor haha... it is beyond words when people make you feel very important especially when you have nothing to offer to them except a little "thanks" with a matching smile... my goodness, this has been quite a battle... I don't have an idea where and how this is gonna end but allow me to share my journey with you... It is not morbid to plan about that special day when all these would come to its final rest... It is scary, it is sad, it is uncomfortable but hello, I'm still alive... and kicking... allow me to fight with passion and fashion... I will discover myself more and more until my last breath and I will do it with style... with a smile... and a grateful heart...

GOWY Journal # 4: mono-TEA-ny

After dilly-dallying for quite a while, I have finally decided to write about my latest (mis)adventures... ;-P

While I was trying to get my hands-off the laptop, my thoughts just keep on pushing me to grab it and write my day's story... I must admit, I miss writing but I just couldn't find the words to begin with...  forgive my indulgence, my rusty hands are trying to come up with something...

Ever since we got back from Baguio (for a short weekend trip last Feb10-13), my husband and I have been talking about our next trip... food trip, that is... strangely, it was his idea that we try new places to dine-in... anyone who knows my husband can tell that he is not really that adventurous when it comes to food... he could eat at McDo all his life and would not mind it at all... but maybe, being married to a "PICKY-EATER" (translate: anything she picks, she eats... haha!) he really had developed an appetite relative to mine over the years... lately, he's been addicted to milk teas, he'd taste different flavors each time and convince me to do the same but I always prefer being faithful to anything choco + extra pearls... he is so engrossed in it that he would post it on his FB wall to show me (since we don't have mms features on our phones)... It's all about MILK TEA (new flavors, yes... different places, yes... but it is one and the same MILK TEA... my goodness)

 

To break the monoTEAny, I decided to search for a place where he could reunite with his first love (Japanese food)... Since it was his birthday we were going to celebrate, I wanted it to be somewhere he has not gone to yet... BUT since I was not "physically" well, the place had to be somewhere near... Being allergic to anything raw, it was really a challenge to find a Japanese restaurant... making it more difficult, it has to be NEAR & affordable (it's a must coz it's my treat)... That search led me to this old place near Makati Cinema Square (where my Father used to bring me to watch movies-I wonder if it's still there)... All my efforts were rewarded when he got off the car and saw the place... He was like "MAY GANITO PALA SA PILIPINAS?!"... and in my mind, wait til you get to see what's inside... and the rest of the story could be summed up by just looking at how he took all the pictures... he was in awe... and well, the food deserves another entry...

 

  

THE UNFORGETTABLE SAKE

THE BIRTHDAY BOY

I must say that next to Kenji Tei (my favorite ramen house), this is gonna be the best place to be at when you crave for anything Japanese... we will definitely come back...

just so when I thought I broke the monoTEAny, he dragged me to find a place where we could grab some milk teas... oh no! not again! but then, it was his birthday... so off we went to a nearby mall (where he also bought -more like-> ordered his birthday toy) to get this milk tea thirst quenched....

Happy Birthday Boy @ Happy Lemon

The Birthday Boy buying his birthday toy

This has been a photo overload... it's a special post anyway... til my next... XOXO...