GOWY (Growing Old With You) Journal #1: Sleepless nights

Oh, I still remember how we first met... his smile, his eyes, the clothes he was wearing, the smelly cap, the Khumbela backpack and the dirty Converse shoes he was wearing... EVERYTHING... I remember how I told myself that meeting him up was totally a wrong idea and was not supposed to happen ever again... haha... that first was followed by a second one... it's on the 2nd when I noticed even MORE reasons to "not" like him... then a third and so on... but guess what, the things that I didn't really like much about him were the same things (I think) that bound us together... and made me fall in love with him... over and over again... OVER!!! on the other hand... NAH wait, let's not talk about the things he didn't like about me at that time... that'll be a long list I suppose... (lucky me, he's too busy to blog about it hahaha!)

So what's with all these reminiscin'... funny how we think of the things we never thought we'd do for love but we did...

People who are close to us (meaning those who get to sleep with us-in one room-) know how my husband snores... HE LITERALLY SLEEPS SOUNDLY! haha... I never thought I would actually learn to live with it... but I did... I developed a not-so-ordinary pattern to compromise with his snoring... you see, couples compromise to keep the marriage and the family together... when he sleeps I mean SNORES, I take it as my signal to start my night shift... I do my chores while he sleeps... (years ago, I tried to sleep through it but I never actually had a successful one at that)... then I take my turn to sleep when he leaves for work in the morning... So I'm basically a graveyard shift... a lot of people tried to talk me through correcting this... you bet, I tried... WE TRIED... but sleeping pills just make me useless during the day... I tried keeping myself busy the whole day so I'd be dead-tired once we get to bed but believe me, his "snore" can wake me up even when I'm in a coma...  but as doctors/older friends/relatives/and everybody else would put it "ONE DAY IT WILL TAKE ITS TOLL ON YOU"... I know, I know... and that one day just came when I turned 30ish... I get weaker and weaker each time... migraine has become a frequent visitor since then...

so enough for the background...

My husband had it checked already and I learned what he has to go through to get rid of it and I am just not comfortable with it... it's like this, I can bear the sleepless nights, the migraine and all but I cannot bear having him go under the knife...

Now, there's this funny pattern that I'm kind of hating but I know the "hating" part will soon pass so here it goes...

He lets me sleep first... successful!!! But I wake up in the middle of the night because of the trembling sound of his snore, it's too loud that it causes the bed to shake... so I get up -gently- so he wouldn't notice then I do my chores and then go back to bed (pretending) to be asleep so when he wakes up he won't get upset that I didn't sleep again... I don't know how long I can keep up with this new set-up... what I know is that I don't want him to risk anything for me... he already gave me his heart and soul, there's nothing more I can ask for (naks!)-ang arte ko daw sabi lang ng doctor aalisin tonsils nya hindi naman daw heart transplant... but if you could just see the look on his face when he saw the procedure via youtube... halos mag pass-out sya... wala na syang kulay...  trivia: my husband can bear any emotional struggle, name it, he can handle it with a smile but show him a needle, a gauze with matching alcohol, believe me, LIBRE ANG LUHA NYA...

Now, call it whatever but that's how I love what I hate about him and that I hate that he loves me so much he's willing to do what he hates the most to get rid of what I hate about him that I have learned to love through the years... haha... baka nga hanapin ko pa yun kapag nawala... it has been my music for 15 years now... so upbeat that it can make me workout hahaha... I agree when he told me that we are not really getting any younger and that nature is taking its toll already so we really need to do something about it but I'm still waiting for God's reply on this matter... ;-) til then, I'll enjoy playing the "sleep-cooking, sleep-eating, sleep-surfing" game...

MOMents Journal #1: I would if I could coz I should

Being a Mom makes you do the impossible and it brings out the best in you...
like reaching for the moon and the stars seems so easy to do...

When you're a Mom you always see things through because that is your way of saying "I love you"...
In your mind you'd say "I WOULD IF I COULD" but your heart always says: "I SHOULD"... next thing you'll know "I'VE DONE IT, DUDE!"...

Funny but when you think of the things you can do for your child...
trust me, you wouldn't care if you'd go crazy or wild!

Motherhood is not a noun... IT IS A VERB!!! (full of actions!) haha...

SOLOtude Journal #1: Everyday-work & play-

This is how "EVERYDAY" looks like...

afternoon delight

See how I balance work and play... half of the table talks about me "working" my ass up reading (that very tiny book you see there... is it even visible? but it's still a book nonetheless haha), surfing (that's what I do a lot ;-P), taking/making phone calls (that's why the Big guy gave me a sturdy headset last Christmas... or else I will be frequenting the hospital for some meds on stiff neck and ear stuff), oh yes, planning (I do a lot of planning-hence, THE PLANNER... well, this year I look forward to implementing some if not all of those)... and you see half of the table says HOW BIG MY APPETITE IS -and that part I call "playing"... and that's just for snacks... you wouldn't want to see how I pamper myself with a hearty brunch which I take around 1-2 pm every single day... I learned quite well how to balance work and play (haha)... work a little and eat a lot... that's life!
(Oh by the way, you see that little table ohvahder? that's Chocho's, it's empty coz she's not here with me now... but when she's around you'll see a mini version of my table, less the food of course coz I don't want Barbie getting all the sticky stuff... she uses her Oppa's iPad for her FB and "youtube"-ing hahaha)


Life doesn't really have a formula... like, when you do this or do that you are guaranteed a happy life blah blah... nah! that's not how it works... It's how you see it... I have often get curious questions like 'WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? SLEEP?", "DON'T YOU EVER GET BORED?!"... Trust me, those simple questions can get to as deep as "WHAT WILL YOUR LIFE BE LIKE WHEN -LET'S SAY- YOUR HUSBAND SUDDENLY LEAVES YOU FOR ANOTHER WOMAN!?!?"... I think about those things... when I was younger, you bet,  I think about it A LOT but I just grew tired of waiting for that one night he'd come home and tell me, "Hey, I'm leaving you for another woman!"... so I decided to just let it slip away... I'm taking each day at a time, enjoying what today brings... whenever I get anxious, I pray... whenever I get insecure, I pray more... whenever I feel bad, I pray until the feeling goes off... I don't know much about the scriptures, uhm... honestly?!?! I stay away from it because it makes me miss my Tatay more... unfortunately, my Tatay had deeply engraved God's words into my soul that no matter how I try to ignore them, they still keep on playing on my mind telling me how things should be...) mind you, the greatest of all was his last few words to me: YOU MARRIED A GOOD MAN SO JUST BE A GOOD WIFE AND A GOOD MOTHER... straight forward, simple and plain! MY MANTRA... well, it's according to God's words, to say the least... it compliments my husband's ideals... it's my father's last words... what more do I need to research on having a perfect beautiful life... you see, life doesn't have to be perfect... who defines perfect anyway? well, for me, this is perfect... I am happy with how things are... my husband and son are happy that I AM HAPPY... the people who matter to me feel as happy as I am because I AM HAPPY... isn't that perfect enough?!

To you from me with love: In life, there are really no standards to meet... Gauge your life according to how you feel inside because you cannot cheat yourself and only YOU can tell YOU the true feelings that you have beneath those smiles... Happiness is being at peace with your own self... (syempre ang funny naman kung kaaway mo pa sarili mo eh iisa ka lang although it's healthy to do self-examination and self-limiting once in a while- in short, paminsan minsan pagalitan mo rin ang sarili mo hehe)... Solitude is the greatest gift one can give to oneself... It's the greatest gift I have ever received (from myself)... trust me, it can change the world!

I thank God for my husband who -in coordination with God and my parents- gives me this kind of life... a taste of Heaven on earth... a place where I can be just as I am...

Lion King Journal # 1 : The"King"troduction

* This post is dedicated to my LION KING family. Having several groups of friends can make one post a big mess so let me start by saying that I will be writing about everybody but I will just have this one first...

Okay, let me introduce to you the cast of my LION KING family... dyaran!

Pumba

First is Pumba (not her real name): hmmm how do I start describing her?!?
well, I guess if you've seen the movie of the Lion King then my work will be a lot easier coz we pick the character that would fit each of our personalities... She's PUMBA in every sense of the word... with her, everything is simple and plain... a problem-free philosophy HAKUNA MATATA... she lives by it... a person who always gives the benefit of the doubt, the open arms when you feel left out... an angel with no wings (mabigat daw kasi abala lang)... not only that, she also makes "you'll-forget-your-name-when-you-taste-it"-liver pate... (what's my name again!?!??!)

Simba

Next is Simba... uhm... well, she's a mixed character of Simba and Scar (nah! in short, she's the star and the villain, the yin and the yang, the positive and the negative coz believe me when I say, EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER and she's not denying it)... I am actually inspired to write different books about her... a dictionary perhaps... a joke book... a know-how guide... name it, coz EVERYTHING is really about her... to site a classic example: One minute you tell her a secret, the next minute she goes freaking the hell out how Pumba knew about that secret when in fact she's the one (for crying out loud) spilled the beans in the first place... and everything just ends with a rolling-on-the-floor-laughing-script: "di talaga well coordinated ang bibig at utak ko... minsan naglalaglagan sila... minsan nga di na rin ako kinakausap ng sarili ko at minsan wino-walkout-an din ako ng sarili ko" haha... no wonder why most of the bloopers are about her... ikaw ba naman ang iwanan ng sarili mo eh... She's the underdog, the villain, the director, the writer and even the talent coordinator of her movie and even ours too... on the other hand, we don't oppose the idea of her EIAM personality coz we totally agree that she's a total package, having her wouldn't give you room to ask for anything more...

Timon

And last but not the least, (well, you always have to save the best for last...)... Pave the way for (drum rolling) --->TIMON! (ehem) That's me... I've got lots of nice things to say about me but let's save that for another post haha... I love everything about the Circle of life... especially having Simba and Pumba in it... they have created such a circle where I can be free to be me... haha I'm not saying that I am not free to be me with my other friends... it's more like they're the ones who really don't care how worst I want to be "me"... with them, I am careless, tactless, stupid, selfish blah blah and they still love me (or do they?!)... parang ganto: they had me at my worst but they love me like I'm the best... naks! John Lloyd lang!?!?! No standards to meet but you just know the limit and you don't really dare abuse it...

This circle has made me feel like a child again (walang pressure gamitin ang brains kasi wala namang expectations)... after almost two decades (napaghahalata ang edad) of knowing each other, we have found a place in each other's heart (amp! masyadong malalim) where we can just sit still, relax and enjoy and just leave whenever (kahit walang abiso)... it's like having another self times three... (hala math ba yan? uwian na!)... this blessing doesn't come along everyday that's why I always thank God for them every time I pray... He gave me more than what I deserve...

 LION KING... It's more fun in the Philippines... 

 (waaahhh! ad ng DOT)

(Looking forward to writing a more serious entry about this wonderful circle)

Pahabol: (wow talagang "pahabol"-makes sense coz she's always "humahabol" lang whenever we meet...) There's another character in this circle, Mufasa, she's as equally important as Simba's father in the movie but just like the real MUFASA nakikita lang sya ni Simba sa reflection at sa dreams... lumaki si Simba sa piling namin ni Pumba hahaha... I may be able to write a longer description about her when she gets to spend longer days/nights with us... so til then, she'll remain as the character with a special participation... (atleast special, kami nga nila Pumba at Simba regular lang without egg pa...)

Mufasa

It's past my bedtime so I guess that's about it for now... til my next post!

I'm back... (for good)

Solitude is happiness for one who is content... INDEED!

I never stopped writing... I just kept it private...

Now, I'm back... to share... my beautiful life...

I owe it to God who made everything so beautiful... to spread His goodness and grace!