PWD CHRONICLES: I forgot my New blogspot...

They say life begins at 40... 

if that is so, then you are about to turm one... 

I'll give you a peek of the story of the guy named RORY:

You will be the firstborn of your loving parents Al & Ruth--- (thought bubble: they probably thought you'd be a girl, coz your Mom was very pretty all throughout her pregnancy... hence, the name RORY...)

Baby Rory, you will be a very smart kid and someone very famous in school (or so you thought). 

• You will be a Valedictorian one day... good job! Kudos to your Mommy and Daddy who will play such big roles in making you not just a smart and famous boy but also a handsome and a happy one... ok let's fast forward a bit, in high school you will still be as smart as always but not as competitive anymore, you will give way for others to shine. 
• You will start to fall in love with music more than your books... make friends because of the bond you will have with people after a soulful epiphany at at recollection (the need to have friends to share your life's little secrets and boys' stuff too)... but you will still gonna make it to your dream school (ok let's be honest, THE ONLY SCHOOL YOU KNOW YOUR PARENTS CAN AFFORD & because of the love you have for your siblings who will come after you, you will prefer to go to a prestigious state University)... 
• After 3 years you, will meet a new friend (a girl, of course, through your erstwhile high school classmate - she will introduce you to her gorgeous cousin) just in time when you will need a company because your parents will need help from someone- a nanny perhaps because your two youngest sibling (a toddler and a newborn will need someone to take good care of them) being the loving son that you will always be, you will decide to take a leave of absence for a semester.  
• Never in your wildest dream have you seen yourself falling for your bestfriend who will just be there to help you take care of your beloved siblings (neither she will see herself being around you because for her you will just be a "friend", by the time you meet her, she already has a life - a bestfriend and a "future" that her father had planned for her-) 
• When you go back to school, you will realize that that same girl whom you will spend time for a semester off from school will also be the same girl you will never get by without. You will look for her. Your life from then on will be just about her. You will find yourself insanely in love with that person who will only consider you a friend... 
• You will always be by her side and she will face a lot of struggles and you (being the knight in shining armor you have always dreamt of becoming hahaha - ako nagkukwento, so ako syempre bida!- you will try to save her) she will never choose you because she will feel that you will be too clingy, too poor, (though brainy) too weak for her to lean on. But you will prove yourself worthy (by taking advantage of her weakness- again, uulitin ko kwento ko kaya ako ang bida- kwento ka para ikaw naman ang bida hahaha- you will get her pregnant) she will run away but you will never leave her side not let her go and will hold on to the baby she will carry---user lang--- hahaha... then you will get married against your parents will and will prove yourself worthy of a chance to the parents of your baby's mother. They will give you the chance (kasi hello "matutulog" ka sa tapat ng bahay nila!?! Duh?!)... 
• 20 years and a hundred plus lbs later you will find yourself in a place you have never imagined yourself to be at and in a situation you never dreamt of to be in, you will be able to fix all the damages done to the ones who matter to you, deal with all the littlest and greatest struggles because you will be the Strongest Super Hero ever, you will prove the impossible : possible, hence----
• You will end up with the person you have always dreamed of HAVING AND BEING YOURS - SHE WILL BE YOURS "VOLUPTUOUS" BODY, "BEAUTIFUL" MIND (yung pa-schizo na ay gifted pala) AND "GOOD" SOUL ALONG (downside: she comes WITH FACTORY DEFECTS THAT YOU WILL ONLY LEARN ABOUT 16 YEARS LATER BUT DON'T WORRY SHE WILL GROW OLD WITH YOU BECAUSE SHE WILL MAKE YOU HER GREATEST LOVE OF ALL - Lucky you, ang ganda siguro talaga nun--- (again kwento ko to AKO ANG BIDA HAHA)... and 
• You will be proud of being able to raise a beautiful boy who flies a plane, drives a bimmer, speaks French, Spanish, English, TAGALOG fluently- a bit of German and understands a little Nihonggo (but couldn't speak it), an achiever just like you (only far much good-looking-thanks to his Mom's genes), loves music (composes and sings way better than you can- hence you will give him his own lil recording studio corner along with the gadgets needed), makes you proud of all his achievements but will bet real money: he's a high maintenance baby... because growing up he will not ask you for toys but when he turns 16 he will start wanting to play guitar, keyboard, go places (out of the country), just like you he will be so engrossed with photography and pricey lens and lights and will even ask for a studio, eats like a true blue growing boy (and oh boy, coursed meals), he will want to have lots of headphones from music playing to Pilot/Aviation noise-reduction types, will ask for Vinyls and of course its player, a car (he will just mention liking to have one but you will give it to him as a gift-because YOU WILL BE A DADDY ANY KID WOULD WANT TO HAVE, oh by the way, when will I have one Dadeeeeyyy🤣), he will shock you with Sky Hawk's expenses... that will be the reason you will eventually thank God for having just one kid (after all one is more than enough- even though you and your GF in college dreamed of having at least 4 or 5 because you both love kids)... 
• Your BEAUTIFUL story will go on and on and it will only get better and better as time goes by...

Here's my advice for you, Baby Boy: 

Live. Laugh. Love.

Live life.

Love it. 

Then whenever it gets tough --- just LAUGH!

You will always be that smart, cute, loving little boy and clearly, having you will always be the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to me (when you turn 19) and Jacob (when you turn 21)... 

Always begin with this story in mind because you will have no regrets! 

Or will you have you?! We'll see when you turn 40...

but for now... Enjoy being 1!

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY BIG BABY BOY!

Come to Mama, come to Mama! 

Peek-a-boo!

PWD CHRONICLES: Lenten Sacrifice?!

I grew up in a traditional Catholic family who observes the lenten season like it happened not so long ago.... 

A year or two before my father died, we were able to discuss his deeper insights on commemorating the Passion and Death of Christ (too bad he was not able to see the movie) it was exactly the way he told me the story... And the life of Christ must not be remembered for just an entire week (Palm Sunday to Easter Sunday) -sorry Tay, ngayon 2days na lang Maundy Thursday and Good Friday na lang yung iba nga Good Friday na lang talaga- going back he said, that Jesus came from Heaven to earth to show the way from the earth to the cross from cross to grave from the grave to the sky He lifts the name of the Lord on high... He told me that fasting for the whole entire holy week won't mean a thing if you will spend the entire year doing the wrong thing... He said that the commandments used to be 10 but Jesus  made it as simple as 2: 

1. Love God above all

2. Love others as you love yourself 

Easier as it may seem but still BETTER SAID THAN DONE...

Retreats, recollections, fasting call it however but for me after my father died, it became a moment of silence wherever and whenever... (Especially knowing how much I love to talk)... A moment of silence for me is like death on the cross... But the learnings my Tatay left behind made listen in silence and hear how the Lord speaks to us... It is in silence that I truly find peace and joy... I am a gullible person and I love to belong to groups of people but one day something took that away from me but I'm glad... In my solitude I can speak with God... Unspoken words yet meaningful and heartwarming... He comforts my pain. He spends time with me. In my weakest moments, He enlightens me with His own story so how can I complain... For 4 years now, I am not commemorating his life during Lenten Season... I share with His Passion all year round... And I am forever grateful that He allowed me to have time to forgive and be forgiven. So ask me how I'd want to spend my HOLY WEEK, I'll share with you my (personal) journey for the past four years... And I still have my memory intact, I can share with you the Spiritual journey our family have had for the past 35 years...

To my son: You are not INVISIBLE to me...

I-push mo yan...

Bukas... 13 years na akong walang Tatay...

Binalikan ko ang mga huling sandali bago nya kami iniwan ng mga panahong iyon...
Bilang sya ang pinakamatalinong tao na tinitingala ko mula pagkabata, ninais kong higupin ang laman ng utak nya dahil alam kong anumang sandali ay malapit na syang mawala... Nakakatawa lang isipin na noong di ko pa alam na mamamatay sya walang masyadong halaga ang mga pangaral nya sa akin... (mga life lessons na ngayon ay pilit kong inaalala at pinipilit kong isabuhay)... Ngunit di naman ako nagsayang ng sandali, mula nang ipaalam sa amin ng mga doktor na hindi na sya magtatagal, bawat pagkakataon na makausap at matanong sya ay ginawa ko.... Kaya nang sya ay pumanaw, maluwag naman ang aking kalooban at walang pagsidlan ng pagsisisi... Marahil kung mayroon man yun ay ang sanay nagawa ko ng mas maaga ang mga bagay bagay...

Isa sa pinakamahalagang natutunan ko mula sa aking Tatay ay ang pananampalataya kay Lord... LETTING GO & LETTING GOD... sa bawat pagkakataong nagkakamali ako at wala akong lusot si Lord ang nilalapitan ko... kaya naman siguro dahil masyado akong nasanay magkamali noon binigyan na ako ng ULTIMATUM ni Lord (o malamang ni Tatay)... na hindi lahat ng kamalian ko ay malulusutan ko... Pinaalala sa akin ng mga pagkakamali ko na ang lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit... PERO PERO PERO... kahit naman ang mga bagay na tama may katumbas... GANTIMPALA... itinatak ko sa utak ko mula noon:
BAWAT MALI = PARUSA (bayad pinsala)
BAWAT TAMA = GANTIMPALA (reserba para sa bayad pinsala... hahaha)
Banker kasi ang Tatay ko kaya tinuro nya sa akin ang BANKING SYSTEM na ni minsan ay di ko naipakitang natutunan ko nung nabubuhay pa sya... Magaling lang ako noon magkamali at bahala na si Batman... nung wala na si Tatay, napatunayan kong marami palang nagastos sa akin si Batman... Napilitan akong magcrash course: BANKING 101...

Ang buhay ay parang bangko... Kapag may inimpok, may mahuhugot pagdumating ang mga pangangailangan... eh modern times na tayo ngayon... kahit wala kang inimpok MAY CREDIT CARD... utang utang din pag may time... pero dapat handa kang magbayad kung hindi ay malulubog ka sa utang... AT MAY INTERES... kasi nga wala kang pinuhunan... MAY POINT diba... kaya kung hindi ka masyadong magaling magbayad... WAG MANGUTANG... kung hindi ka magaling mag-ipon... IWASAN MONG MAGKARON NG PANGANGAILANGAN... pwede ba yun? PWEDE... Si Lord ang banker kaya safe ang mga inipon... Minsan nga kahit di natin kailangan nagdagdag Siya ng perks and privileges eh... nasa sa atin na lang kung mamimihasa tayo o magiging inspirasyon yun sa pag-iipon...
Isang malaking halimbawa ang mga ipon na TIWALA (investment ni Lord sa atin)... Lahat tayo ay may INITIAL DEPOSIT galing kay Lord--- FREE WILL... Pag ginamit mo alam mo dapat kung ano ang mga risks...

AT DAHIL HINDI AKO MASYADONG MAHILIG SA NUMBERS (hahaha)... dumating ako sa punto ng buhay ko na kesa binabalance ko ang bank account ko ng deposit at withdrawal... nagsimula na akong magtipid... (PINALIIT KO NA ANG MUNDO KO)... Hirap akong gumawa ng tama kapag may nakikita akong mali sa paligid ko at nakakalusot sila... nahihimok akong gumawa rin ng ganun... at kapag ginawa ko at siningil ako... sumasama ang loob ko... at dahil paulit-ulit akong nasisingil, naisip kong marahil ganun ako kamahal ni Lord... ayaw Nya akong malubog sa matinding INTERES ng pagkakautang kaya di nya ako binibigyan ng MATAAS NA CREDIT LIMIT... so utang ngayon ---bayad agad... habang ang mga nasa paligid ko--- utang utang utang --- takas takas takas --- utang utang utang ulit --- takas takas takas... pero yari kayo sa singilan (beh beh beh beh beh)... hahaha...

Naisip ko na mas maliit ang mundo ko, mas maliit ang pagkakataong magkamali... RISK: MAS MADALING MASAKTAN... kasi pag maliit ang mundo limited ang galaw... ADVANTAGE: mas madali ring sumaya dahil hawak mo ang bawat galaw... pambihira naman na masaktan ka pa ng sarili mo kung ikaw na lang ang laman ng mundo mo... Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na hahayaang masaktan ako ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko... dahil maikli lang ang buhay at subok ko na yun... makailang ulit na rin akong muntik bawian... hindi na ako masyadong nahihirapan makisama (pag nega... ALAM NA)... Natuto akong mag-invest sa mundo ko gamit ang maliit kong ipon... ang Return Of Investmen: PAGMAMAHAL rin...
ang LIABILITIES: ano pa ba!?!? nasa word na yun mismo LIE-ABILITY... bawat investment may risk na malugi---mauubos ang TRUST... pero kapag marunong ka mag-invest... at marami sa iyong investments ang nag-ROI marami ka pa ring LOVE... yun ay kung matapang kang magrisk na pwedeng malugi ulit ng paulit-ulit... sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ng pinakamalaking investment ko ang MAINTAINING BALANCE ko: ANG SELF-LOVE... at hindi ko yun hahayaang magalaw for emergency purposes... kaya kapag may luge ako sa investment ko, may lungkot man--- may ngiti pa rin... Example: Alam ko na malaking investment ang pagtitiwala sa mga teenagers ngayon... pero kailangan matutunan ng anak ko ang BANKING SYSTEM... kung kaya't binigyan ko sya ng napakalaking TRUST FUND... na bawal sanang i-withdraw 3-6-12-month ang rule... kaya lang dahil nga hindi pa nila alam ang kalakaran ng BANKING... kapag may gustong bilhin (may lakad ang barkada)--- handang magsara ng bank account (lumagpas sa curfew)... para sa mga bagay na hindi rin naman pala nila ganun kagusto (nasa huli ang pagsisisi...)

Ngayon ang aking binata ay BANKRUPT... hahaha... gusto ko sanang mag-auto-deposit... investment ulit... pero pinag-aaralan ko pa ang mga by-laws ng contrata... given na ang katransaksyon ko ay wala pang masyadong alam sa INVESTMENT/BANKING/RISKS... mukhang kakailanganin kong magsimula ulit sa addition at subtraction (back to basics)... masyadong komplikado ang BANKING para sa mga teenager ng henerasyon na ito na kahit ang pagbibilang ng 1 hanggang 10 ay inaasa pa sa celfone... babalik tayo sa bundok anak... tuturuan kitang magbilang gamit ang mga bato at dahon... (drugs ba ito inay?---hahaha) sisimulan natin ang buhay na walang gadget... kwentuhan ang original na CHAT... mga pangaral ang mga unang HASH TAGS... ang tahanan ang pinakamasayang CHATROOM... pamilya ang dapat mong unang I-FOLLOW at I-TAG (mahihirapan kang magfriend request kapag binlock mo)... memories natin ang bubuo ng INSTAGRAM ng buhay mo... kaya pag natutunan mo na ang lahat ng yan saka natin I-PUSH ang INTERNET BANKING... okay?!?!

Mabilis lang ang processing basta kumpleto ka sa requirements, Anak...
ang mga requirements:
#1 ACCEPTANCE (na kailangan nating magback to basics kasi nag-ZERO BALANCE ka so closed ang account)...
#2: UNDERSTANDING (kasi pagtinanggap mo na nagkamali ibig sabihin ka handa ka na uling sumunod-mas maingat ka na kasi naranasan mo na ang ma-close account- naiintindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng RISK)...
#3: OBEDIENCE (kapag sumusunod ka na... lahat ng bagay magiging madali dahil sa BANKING NG BUHAY may subok na SYSTEM na para mas maliit ang pagkakataong maluge---may guidelines na--- ang BIBLE)...

after mo isubmit ang mga requirements na yan... i-e-evaluate ni Banker at sasabihan kaming mga TELLER kung pwede ka na ulit mag-open ng bagong account... na maaaring probationary account pero mas maganda na yun kesa wala... para mapatunayan mo rin kung natutunan mo na talaga ang simple banking...

so ANAK---- I-PUSH MO YAN...

PWD Chronicles: SPG (Strict Parental Guidance) recommended... HELP NEEDED

Much as I have my own views on the matter... I want to help my friend cope with an infidelity without any prejudice...
She recently found out that her bestfriend and her husband were having an affair... when she confronted her husband, he denied that they were having an affair and told her that it was plainly for the purpose of lending them (the girl and her kids) money... when she asked the girl she admitted that it was way, way back and it had ended already...  but when she started her fact-finding probe, she learned a lot more than that... her bestfriend never told her anything about the regular financial help she was getting from her husband... her husband eventually confessed everything about the affair after she gathered gazillion of intertwining stories from different individuals who apparently know about the affair but just couldn't come out because it was a very sensitive matter given that she is physically unwell... she is currently at a loss as to how to treat things fairly and justly... her bestfriend is basically her everyday buddy and her kids are like hers, that's what tears her apart...

I have a strong BIASED conviction when it comes to such things... so to be impartial,  I am taking this chance to solicit as much advice as I can regarding this matter...

It is so easy to pass judgement (ehem #Iamguilty) especially when you are not a part of the story... on the other hand, it is difficult to see the light when you are the one involved... so to give a friend a hand on this matter, I am asking some hypothetical questions... please feel free to share your thoughts...

Q1: What do you when you found out that your husband is having an affair with you bestfriend?

Q2: In the case that your husband admitted everything about the affair and wants to have another chance, is it still ok that he doesn't cut ties with your bestfriend and her kids? If not, how do you ask him to do it? (#she wants him to do it voluntarily but he is "as is")

Q3: Is it still ok to be friends with the bestfriend who still comes clean and denies everything?

PWD CHRONICLES: I am NOTEworthy...

When you are confined/restricted from doing physical activities, you only have limited options to choose from... sleep, eat, pray, cry, talk, surf the web, watch TV, read books...

among these choices,  
WATCHING TV/DVD (less strenuous than reading, I guess, coz in reading, your mind is also active (spell: STRESSED)
AND/OR
SLEEPING (which I can't overdo---coz---again, as I've said, I have "brain issues") cause the least stress... or lesser evil if I may say so... because you are still actively doing something "An idle mind is a devil's workshop"...

Pray, yeah right... I do that... but Praying won't take that much time and it only makes me long for Heaven all the more and a lot sooner coz the lesser time I spend in flesh and blood, the better... coz my chances of committing sin is slimmer hihihi)

My ever-loving (naks!) husband saw my painful struggle/boredom in the hospital coz this time around I didn't burden my friends to take care of me... they did hang around but only to visit... no more 24/7 monitoring chats and shifting schedules in keeping me company...

Maybe he thought that my "wanting to cope on my own" was alarming so when he came home from work last night, he handed me this... at first I thought it was a book because it was inside a brown bag from National Bookstore... to my surprise, it was a NOTE!!! Waaaaahhhh!!!

(He'd been convincing me to get the iP5 ever since it came out but I always declined coz I still have my reliable iP4s which is barely a year old plus the thought that my maintenance meds are costly enough to begin with...

*I remember telling him in passing that I would rather have this whatchamacallit-gadget (the one I often see when I'm doing my daily exercise---KOREANOVELA MARATHON haha!) than get the new iPhone...


I never thought he listens to my nonsense blahblah-angst... He takes note pala of every word I say even if it was uttered as a joke... hehe... It feels good to know that inutile as I am, he still believes that "I AM NOTE-WORTHY"...

PWD Chronicles: Better late than never... (Birthday post)

Been in and out of the hospital for months already... I dread the sight of SLMC... I'm panicky at each time I feel any of the countless symptoms... one day, I decided to just live the life the way I wanted... whatever it takes... life is short anyway, why not make the most out of it...

12-01-12... the first day of my birthday month officially started the celebration... went out to buy my wheels... ;-) so I can go anywhere anytime with my boys without the heck of crying everytime my hands & legs decide to go on strike... FYI: I am not permanently crippled, I can still walk but I easily get tired... my muscles randomly go on strike and they just stall... LITERALLY... for my safety, my husband wants me to be on my wheels most of the time... at home, I still get to move around but I choose not to because I am more accident prone now...

12-02 up to 12-11-12... surprises here and there... greetings and great things from everywhere... I couldn't ask for more... my excitement sometimes results to another ER visit... so I have to be relaxed even when my heart leaps for joy everytime I get a surprise... hihihi!

12-12-12... My bro-in-law's wedding... already feeling unwell but I had to be there because I wanted to be there... so I asked God to give me enough strength to spend that very special day with them... true enough, He gave me just enough to last me the whole day... I was getting weaker and weaker (even while I was resting) as the day passes and just when I thought I was going to get better coz we're heading home, the unexpected happened... something inside my gut just decided to say I'M TIRED and I'M OUTTA HERE... boom! I tried to fake smiles but tears just showed themselves in front of everybody... that was when my husband decided to rush me to the hospital (yet again)... I even remember saying: "Babe, wag mo kong dadalhin sa ibang hospital hindi nila alam yung sakit ko... ayokong maging guinea pig..." (my in-laws reside in FARview... meaning: SLMC Global (where my records and my doctors are) is hours away and I might be dead even before I get there in case of emergency...

At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:

Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,... 
Me: B, ang kati... 
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse... 
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...

A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!

I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!

So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)

See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...

I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe

This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...

***Most of the gifts I got on my birthday were religious items... It was not those things that made me pray more and more but the FAITH, HOPE, LOVE that those items stand for... It is humbling when you know that more people talk to God about you... when they light candles to symbolize their ardent wish for your healing... when masses are being held for your speedy recovery... it is more than words to say how much they love you... because they wanted to be with you more... they find this life more beautiful having you around... for me, making them spend more time on their knees for my sake is already a blessing of LOVE... I couldn't be happier, more blessed, more grateful knowing how many people send prayers for me... I live to thank each one of you! You have already brought down HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR ME! Thank you all so much! My heart is filled with your love and prayers!

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

THANK YOU, LORD!!!