Been in and out of the hospital for months already... I dread the sight of SLMC... I'm panicky at each time I feel any of the countless symptoms... one day, I decided to just live the life the way I wanted... whatever it takes... life is short anyway, why not make the most out of it...
12-01-12... the first day of my birthday month officially started the celebration... went out to buy my wheels... ;-) so I can go anywhere anytime with my boys without the heck of crying everytime my hands & legs decide to go on strike... FYI: I am not permanently crippled, I can still walk but I easily get tired... my muscles randomly go on strike and they just stall... LITERALLY... for my safety, my husband wants me to be on my wheels most of the time... at home, I still get to move around but I choose not to because I am more accident prone now...
12-02 up to 12-11-12... surprises here and there... greetings and great things from everywhere... I couldn't ask for more... my excitement sometimes results to another ER visit... so I have to be relaxed even when my heart leaps for joy everytime I get a surprise... hihihi!
12-12-12... My bro-in-law's wedding... already feeling unwell but I had to be there because I wanted to be there... so I asked God to give me enough strength to spend that very special day with them... true enough, He gave me just enough to last me the whole day... I was getting weaker and weaker (even while I was resting) as the day passes and just when I thought I was going to get better coz we're heading home, the unexpected happened... something inside my gut just decided to say I'M TIRED and I'M OUTTA HERE... boom! I tried to fake smiles but tears just showed themselves in front of everybody... that was when my husband decided to rush me to the hospital (yet again)... I even remember saying: "Babe, wag mo kong dadalhin sa ibang hospital hindi nila alam yung sakit ko... ayokong maging guinea pig..." (my in-laws reside in FARview... meaning: SLMC Global (where my records and my doctors are) is hours away and I might be dead even before I get there in case of emergency...
At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:
Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,...
Me: B, ang kati...
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse...
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...
A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!
I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!
So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)
See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...
I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe
This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...
***Most of the gifts I got on my birthday were religious items... It was not those things that made me pray more and more but the FAITH, HOPE, LOVE that those items stand for... It is humbling when you know that more people talk to God about you... when they light candles to symbolize their ardent wish for your healing... when masses are being held for your speedy recovery... it is more than words to say how much they love you... because they wanted to be with you more... they find this life more beautiful having you around... for me, making them spend more time on their knees for my sake is already a blessing of LOVE... I couldn't be happier, more blessed, more grateful knowing how many people send prayers for me... I live to thank each one of you! You have already brought down HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR ME! Thank you all so much! My heart is filled with your love and prayers!
At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:
Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,...
Me: B, ang kati...
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse...
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...
A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!
I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!
So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)
See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...
I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe
This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
THANK YOU, LORD!!!
