Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I-push mo yan...
Bukas... 13 years na akong walang Tatay...
Binalikan ko ang mga huling sandali bago nya kami iniwan ng mga panahong iyon...
Bilang sya ang pinakamatalinong tao na tinitingala ko mula pagkabata, ninais kong higupin ang laman ng utak nya dahil alam kong anumang sandali ay malapit na syang mawala... Nakakatawa lang isipin na noong di ko pa alam na mamamatay sya walang masyadong halaga ang mga pangaral nya sa akin... (mga life lessons na ngayon ay pilit kong inaalala at pinipilit kong isabuhay)... Ngunit di naman ako nagsayang ng sandali, mula nang ipaalam sa amin ng mga doktor na hindi na sya magtatagal, bawat pagkakataon na makausap at matanong sya ay ginawa ko.... Kaya nang sya ay pumanaw, maluwag naman ang aking kalooban at walang pagsidlan ng pagsisisi... Marahil kung mayroon man yun ay ang sanay nagawa ko ng mas maaga ang mga bagay bagay...
Isa sa pinakamahalagang natutunan ko mula sa aking Tatay ay ang pananampalataya kay Lord... LETTING GO & LETTING GOD... sa bawat pagkakataong nagkakamali ako at wala akong lusot si Lord ang nilalapitan ko... kaya naman siguro dahil masyado akong nasanay magkamali noon binigyan na ako ng ULTIMATUM ni Lord (o malamang ni Tatay)... na hindi lahat ng kamalian ko ay malulusutan ko... Pinaalala sa akin ng mga pagkakamali ko na ang lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit... PERO PERO PERO... kahit naman ang mga bagay na tama may katumbas... GANTIMPALA... itinatak ko sa utak ko mula noon:
BAWAT MALI = PARUSA (bayad pinsala)
BAWAT TAMA = GANTIMPALA (reserba para sa bayad pinsala... hahaha)
Banker kasi ang Tatay ko kaya tinuro nya sa akin ang BANKING SYSTEM na ni minsan ay di ko naipakitang natutunan ko nung nabubuhay pa sya... Magaling lang ako noon magkamali at bahala na si Batman... nung wala na si Tatay, napatunayan kong marami palang nagastos sa akin si Batman... Napilitan akong magcrash course: BANKING 101...
Ang buhay ay parang bangko... Kapag may inimpok, may mahuhugot pagdumating ang mga pangangailangan... eh modern times na tayo ngayon... kahit wala kang inimpok MAY CREDIT CARD... utang utang din pag may time... pero dapat handa kang magbayad kung hindi ay malulubog ka sa utang... AT MAY INTERES... kasi nga wala kang pinuhunan... MAY POINT diba... kaya kung hindi ka masyadong magaling magbayad... WAG MANGUTANG... kung hindi ka magaling mag-ipon... IWASAN MONG MAGKARON NG PANGANGAILANGAN... pwede ba yun? PWEDE... Si Lord ang banker kaya safe ang mga inipon... Minsan nga kahit di natin kailangan nagdagdag Siya ng perks and privileges eh... nasa sa atin na lang kung mamimihasa tayo o magiging inspirasyon yun sa pag-iipon...
Isang malaking halimbawa ang mga ipon na TIWALA (investment ni Lord sa atin)... Lahat tayo ay may INITIAL DEPOSIT galing kay Lord--- FREE WILL... Pag ginamit mo alam mo dapat kung ano ang mga risks...
AT DAHIL HINDI AKO MASYADONG MAHILIG SA NUMBERS (hahaha)... dumating ako sa punto ng buhay ko na kesa binabalance ko ang bank account ko ng deposit at withdrawal... nagsimula na akong magtipid... (PINALIIT KO NA ANG MUNDO KO)... Hirap akong gumawa ng tama kapag may nakikita akong mali sa paligid ko at nakakalusot sila... nahihimok akong gumawa rin ng ganun... at kapag ginawa ko at siningil ako... sumasama ang loob ko... at dahil paulit-ulit akong nasisingil, naisip kong marahil ganun ako kamahal ni Lord... ayaw Nya akong malubog sa matinding INTERES ng pagkakautang kaya di nya ako binibigyan ng MATAAS NA CREDIT LIMIT... so utang ngayon ---bayad agad... habang ang mga nasa paligid ko--- utang utang utang --- takas takas takas --- utang utang utang ulit --- takas takas takas... pero yari kayo sa singilan (beh beh beh beh beh)... hahaha...
Naisip ko na mas maliit ang mundo ko, mas maliit ang pagkakataong magkamali... RISK: MAS MADALING MASAKTAN... kasi pag maliit ang mundo limited ang galaw... ADVANTAGE: mas madali ring sumaya dahil hawak mo ang bawat galaw... pambihira naman na masaktan ka pa ng sarili mo kung ikaw na lang ang laman ng mundo mo... Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na hahayaang masaktan ako ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko... dahil maikli lang ang buhay at subok ko na yun... makailang ulit na rin akong muntik bawian... hindi na ako masyadong nahihirapan makisama (pag nega... ALAM NA)... Natuto akong mag-invest sa mundo ko gamit ang maliit kong ipon... ang Return Of Investmen: PAGMAMAHAL rin...
ang LIABILITIES: ano pa ba!?!? nasa word na yun mismo LIE-ABILITY... bawat investment may risk na malugi---mauubos ang TRUST... pero kapag marunong ka mag-invest... at marami sa iyong investments ang nag-ROI marami ka pa ring LOVE... yun ay kung matapang kang magrisk na pwedeng malugi ulit ng paulit-ulit... sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ng pinakamalaking investment ko ang MAINTAINING BALANCE ko: ANG SELF-LOVE... at hindi ko yun hahayaang magalaw for emergency purposes... kaya kapag may luge ako sa investment ko, may lungkot man--- may ngiti pa rin... Example: Alam ko na malaking investment ang pagtitiwala sa mga teenagers ngayon... pero kailangan matutunan ng anak ko ang BANKING SYSTEM... kung kaya't binigyan ko sya ng napakalaking TRUST FUND... na bawal sanang i-withdraw 3-6-12-month ang rule... kaya lang dahil nga hindi pa nila alam ang kalakaran ng BANKING... kapag may gustong bilhin (may lakad ang barkada)--- handang magsara ng bank account (lumagpas sa curfew)... para sa mga bagay na hindi rin naman pala nila ganun kagusto (nasa huli ang pagsisisi...)
Ngayon ang aking binata ay BANKRUPT... hahaha... gusto ko sanang mag-auto-deposit... investment ulit... pero pinag-aaralan ko pa ang mga by-laws ng contrata... given na ang katransaksyon ko ay wala pang masyadong alam sa INVESTMENT/BANKING/RISKS... mukhang kakailanganin kong magsimula ulit sa addition at subtraction (back to basics)... masyadong komplikado ang BANKING para sa mga teenager ng henerasyon na ito na kahit ang pagbibilang ng 1 hanggang 10 ay inaasa pa sa celfone... babalik tayo sa bundok anak... tuturuan kitang magbilang gamit ang mga bato at dahon... (drugs ba ito inay?---hahaha) sisimulan natin ang buhay na walang gadget... kwentuhan ang original na CHAT... mga pangaral ang mga unang HASH TAGS... ang tahanan ang pinakamasayang CHATROOM... pamilya ang dapat mong unang I-FOLLOW at I-TAG (mahihirapan kang magfriend request kapag binlock mo)... memories natin ang bubuo ng INSTAGRAM ng buhay mo... kaya pag natutunan mo na ang lahat ng yan saka natin I-PUSH ang INTERNET BANKING... okay?!?!
Mabilis lang ang processing basta kumpleto ka sa requirements, Anak...
ang mga requirements:
#1 ACCEPTANCE (na kailangan nating magback to basics kasi nag-ZERO BALANCE ka so closed ang account)...
#2: UNDERSTANDING (kasi pagtinanggap mo na nagkamali ibig sabihin ka handa ka na uling sumunod-mas maingat ka na kasi naranasan mo na ang ma-close account- naiintindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng RISK)...
#3: OBEDIENCE (kapag sumusunod ka na... lahat ng bagay magiging madali dahil sa BANKING NG BUHAY may subok na SYSTEM na para mas maliit ang pagkakataong maluge---may guidelines na--- ang BIBLE)...
after mo isubmit ang mga requirements na yan... i-e-evaluate ni Banker at sasabihan kaming mga TELLER kung pwede ka na ulit mag-open ng bagong account... na maaaring probationary account pero mas maganda na yun kesa wala... para mapatunayan mo rin kung natutunan mo na talaga ang simple banking...
so ANAK---- I-PUSH MO YAN...
Binalikan ko ang mga huling sandali bago nya kami iniwan ng mga panahong iyon...
Bilang sya ang pinakamatalinong tao na tinitingala ko mula pagkabata, ninais kong higupin ang laman ng utak nya dahil alam kong anumang sandali ay malapit na syang mawala... Nakakatawa lang isipin na noong di ko pa alam na mamamatay sya walang masyadong halaga ang mga pangaral nya sa akin... (mga life lessons na ngayon ay pilit kong inaalala at pinipilit kong isabuhay)... Ngunit di naman ako nagsayang ng sandali, mula nang ipaalam sa amin ng mga doktor na hindi na sya magtatagal, bawat pagkakataon na makausap at matanong sya ay ginawa ko.... Kaya nang sya ay pumanaw, maluwag naman ang aking kalooban at walang pagsidlan ng pagsisisi... Marahil kung mayroon man yun ay ang sanay nagawa ko ng mas maaga ang mga bagay bagay...
Isa sa pinakamahalagang natutunan ko mula sa aking Tatay ay ang pananampalataya kay Lord... LETTING GO & LETTING GOD... sa bawat pagkakataong nagkakamali ako at wala akong lusot si Lord ang nilalapitan ko... kaya naman siguro dahil masyado akong nasanay magkamali noon binigyan na ako ng ULTIMATUM ni Lord (o malamang ni Tatay)... na hindi lahat ng kamalian ko ay malulusutan ko... Pinaalala sa akin ng mga pagkakamali ko na ang lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit... PERO PERO PERO... kahit naman ang mga bagay na tama may katumbas... GANTIMPALA... itinatak ko sa utak ko mula noon:
BAWAT MALI = PARUSA (bayad pinsala)
BAWAT TAMA = GANTIMPALA (reserba para sa bayad pinsala... hahaha)
Banker kasi ang Tatay ko kaya tinuro nya sa akin ang BANKING SYSTEM na ni minsan ay di ko naipakitang natutunan ko nung nabubuhay pa sya... Magaling lang ako noon magkamali at bahala na si Batman... nung wala na si Tatay, napatunayan kong marami palang nagastos sa akin si Batman... Napilitan akong magcrash course: BANKING 101...
Ang buhay ay parang bangko... Kapag may inimpok, may mahuhugot pagdumating ang mga pangangailangan... eh modern times na tayo ngayon... kahit wala kang inimpok MAY CREDIT CARD... utang utang din pag may time... pero dapat handa kang magbayad kung hindi ay malulubog ka sa utang... AT MAY INTERES... kasi nga wala kang pinuhunan... MAY POINT diba... kaya kung hindi ka masyadong magaling magbayad... WAG MANGUTANG... kung hindi ka magaling mag-ipon... IWASAN MONG MAGKARON NG PANGANGAILANGAN... pwede ba yun? PWEDE... Si Lord ang banker kaya safe ang mga inipon... Minsan nga kahit di natin kailangan nagdagdag Siya ng perks and privileges eh... nasa sa atin na lang kung mamimihasa tayo o magiging inspirasyon yun sa pag-iipon...
Isang malaking halimbawa ang mga ipon na TIWALA (investment ni Lord sa atin)... Lahat tayo ay may INITIAL DEPOSIT galing kay Lord--- FREE WILL... Pag ginamit mo alam mo dapat kung ano ang mga risks...
AT DAHIL HINDI AKO MASYADONG MAHILIG SA NUMBERS (hahaha)... dumating ako sa punto ng buhay ko na kesa binabalance ko ang bank account ko ng deposit at withdrawal... nagsimula na akong magtipid... (PINALIIT KO NA ANG MUNDO KO)... Hirap akong gumawa ng tama kapag may nakikita akong mali sa paligid ko at nakakalusot sila... nahihimok akong gumawa rin ng ganun... at kapag ginawa ko at siningil ako... sumasama ang loob ko... at dahil paulit-ulit akong nasisingil, naisip kong marahil ganun ako kamahal ni Lord... ayaw Nya akong malubog sa matinding INTERES ng pagkakautang kaya di nya ako binibigyan ng MATAAS NA CREDIT LIMIT... so utang ngayon ---bayad agad... habang ang mga nasa paligid ko--- utang utang utang --- takas takas takas --- utang utang utang ulit --- takas takas takas... pero yari kayo sa singilan (beh beh beh beh beh)... hahaha...
Naisip ko na mas maliit ang mundo ko, mas maliit ang pagkakataong magkamali... RISK: MAS MADALING MASAKTAN... kasi pag maliit ang mundo limited ang galaw... ADVANTAGE: mas madali ring sumaya dahil hawak mo ang bawat galaw... pambihira naman na masaktan ka pa ng sarili mo kung ikaw na lang ang laman ng mundo mo... Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na hahayaang masaktan ako ng mga pangyayari sa buhay ko... dahil maikli lang ang buhay at subok ko na yun... makailang ulit na rin akong muntik bawian... hindi na ako masyadong nahihirapan makisama (pag nega... ALAM NA)... Natuto akong mag-invest sa mundo ko gamit ang maliit kong ipon... ang Return Of Investmen: PAGMAMAHAL rin...
ang LIABILITIES: ano pa ba!?!? nasa word na yun mismo LIE-ABILITY... bawat investment may risk na malugi---mauubos ang TRUST... pero kapag marunong ka mag-invest... at marami sa iyong investments ang nag-ROI marami ka pa ring LOVE... yun ay kung matapang kang magrisk na pwedeng malugi ulit ng paulit-ulit... sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ng pinakamalaking investment ko ang MAINTAINING BALANCE ko: ANG SELF-LOVE... at hindi ko yun hahayaang magalaw for emergency purposes... kaya kapag may luge ako sa investment ko, may lungkot man--- may ngiti pa rin... Example: Alam ko na malaking investment ang pagtitiwala sa mga teenagers ngayon... pero kailangan matutunan ng anak ko ang BANKING SYSTEM... kung kaya't binigyan ko sya ng napakalaking TRUST FUND... na bawal sanang i-withdraw 3-6-12-month ang rule... kaya lang dahil nga hindi pa nila alam ang kalakaran ng BANKING... kapag may gustong bilhin (may lakad ang barkada)--- handang magsara ng bank account (lumagpas sa curfew)... para sa mga bagay na hindi rin naman pala nila ganun kagusto (nasa huli ang pagsisisi...)
Ngayon ang aking binata ay BANKRUPT... hahaha... gusto ko sanang mag-auto-deposit... investment ulit... pero pinag-aaralan ko pa ang mga by-laws ng contrata... given na ang katransaksyon ko ay wala pang masyadong alam sa INVESTMENT/BANKING/RISKS... mukhang kakailanganin kong magsimula ulit sa addition at subtraction (back to basics)... masyadong komplikado ang BANKING para sa mga teenager ng henerasyon na ito na kahit ang pagbibilang ng 1 hanggang 10 ay inaasa pa sa celfone... babalik tayo sa bundok anak... tuturuan kitang magbilang gamit ang mga bato at dahon... (drugs ba ito inay?---hahaha) sisimulan natin ang buhay na walang gadget... kwentuhan ang original na CHAT... mga pangaral ang mga unang HASH TAGS... ang tahanan ang pinakamasayang CHATROOM... pamilya ang dapat mong unang I-FOLLOW at I-TAG (mahihirapan kang magfriend request kapag binlock mo)... memories natin ang bubuo ng INSTAGRAM ng buhay mo... kaya pag natutunan mo na ang lahat ng yan saka natin I-PUSH ang INTERNET BANKING... okay?!?!
Mabilis lang ang processing basta kumpleto ka sa requirements, Anak...
ang mga requirements:
#1 ACCEPTANCE (na kailangan nating magback to basics kasi nag-ZERO BALANCE ka so closed ang account)...
#2: UNDERSTANDING (kasi pagtinanggap mo na nagkamali ibig sabihin ka handa ka na uling sumunod-mas maingat ka na kasi naranasan mo na ang ma-close account- naiintindihan mo na ang ibig sabihin ng RISK)...
#3: OBEDIENCE (kapag sumusunod ka na... lahat ng bagay magiging madali dahil sa BANKING NG BUHAY may subok na SYSTEM na para mas maliit ang pagkakataong maluge---may guidelines na--- ang BIBLE)...
after mo isubmit ang mga requirements na yan... i-e-evaluate ni Banker at sasabihan kaming mga TELLER kung pwede ka na ulit mag-open ng bagong account... na maaaring probationary account pero mas maganda na yun kesa wala... para mapatunayan mo rin kung natutunan mo na talaga ang simple banking...
so ANAK---- I-PUSH MO YAN...
Friday, April 5, 2013
PWD Chronicles: SPG (Strict Parental Guidance) recommended... HELP NEEDED
Much as I have my own views on the matter... I want to help my friend cope with an infidelity without any prejudice...
She recently found out that her bestfriend and her husband were having an affair... when she confronted her husband, he denied that they were having an affair and told her that it was plainly for the purpose of lending them (the girl and her kids) money... when she asked the girl she admitted that it was way, way back and it had ended already... but when she started her fact-finding probe, she learned a lot more than that... her bestfriend never told her anything about the regular financial help she was getting from her husband... her husband eventually confessed everything about the affair after she gathered gazillion of intertwining stories from different individuals who apparently know about the affair but just couldn't come out because it was a very sensitive matter given that she is physically unwell... she is currently at a loss as to how to treat things fairly and justly... her bestfriend is basically her everyday buddy and her kids are like hers, that's what tears her apart...
I have a strong BIASED conviction when it comes to such things... so to be impartial, I am taking this chance to solicit as much advice as I can regarding this matter...
It is so easy to pass judgement (ehem #Iamguilty) especially when you are not a part of the story... on the other hand, it is difficult to see the light when you are the one involved... so to give a friend a hand on this matter, I am asking some hypothetical questions... please feel free to share your thoughts...
Q1: What do you when you found out that your husband is having an affair with you bestfriend?
Q2: In the case that your husband admitted everything about the affair and wants to have another chance, is it still ok that he doesn't cut ties with your bestfriend and her kids? If not, how do you ask him to do it? (#she wants him to do it voluntarily but he is "as is")
Q3: Is it still ok to be friends with the bestfriend who still comes clean and denies everything?
She recently found out that her bestfriend and her husband were having an affair... when she confronted her husband, he denied that they were having an affair and told her that it was plainly for the purpose of lending them (the girl and her kids) money... when she asked the girl she admitted that it was way, way back and it had ended already... but when she started her fact-finding probe, she learned a lot more than that... her bestfriend never told her anything about the regular financial help she was getting from her husband... her husband eventually confessed everything about the affair after she gathered gazillion of intertwining stories from different individuals who apparently know about the affair but just couldn't come out because it was a very sensitive matter given that she is physically unwell... she is currently at a loss as to how to treat things fairly and justly... her bestfriend is basically her everyday buddy and her kids are like hers, that's what tears her apart...
I have a strong BIASED conviction when it comes to such things... so to be impartial, I am taking this chance to solicit as much advice as I can regarding this matter...
It is so easy to pass judgement (ehem #Iamguilty) especially when you are not a part of the story... on the other hand, it is difficult to see the light when you are the one involved... so to give a friend a hand on this matter, I am asking some hypothetical questions... please feel free to share your thoughts...
Q1: What do you when you found out that your husband is having an affair with you bestfriend?
Q2: In the case that your husband admitted everything about the affair and wants to have another chance, is it still ok that he doesn't cut ties with your bestfriend and her kids? If not, how do you ask him to do it? (#she wants him to do it voluntarily but he is "as is")
Q3: Is it still ok to be friends with the bestfriend who still comes clean and denies everything?
Monday, February 4, 2013
PWD CHRONICLES: I am NOTEworthy...
When you are confined/restricted from doing physical activities, you only have limited options to choose from... sleep, eat, pray, cry, talk, surf the web, watch TV, read books...
among these choices,
WATCHING TV/DVD (less strenuous than reading, I guess, coz in reading, your mind is also active (spell: STRESSED)
AND/OR
SLEEPING (which I can't overdo---coz---again, as I've said, I have "brain issues") cause the least stress... or lesser evil if I may say so... because you are still actively doing something "An idle mind is a devil's workshop"...
Pray, yeah right... I do that... but Praying won't take that much time and it only makes me long for Heaven all the more and a lot sooner coz the lesser time I spend in flesh and blood, the better... coz my chances of committing sin is slimmer hihihi)
My ever-loving (naks!) husband saw my painful struggle/boredom in the hospital coz this time around I didn't burden my friends to take care of me... they did hang around but only to visit... no more 24/7 monitoring chats and shifting schedules in keeping me company...
Maybe he thought that my "wanting to cope on my own" was alarming so when he came home from work last night, he handed me this... at first I thought it was a book because it was inside a brown bag from National Bookstore... to my surprise, it was a NOTE!!! Waaaaahhhh!!!
(He'd been
convincing me to get the iP5 ever since it came out but I always
declined coz I still have my reliable iP4s which is barely a year old
plus the thought that my maintenance meds are costly enough to begin
with...
*I remember telling him in passing that I would rather have this whatchamacallit-gadget (the one I often see when I'm doing my daily exercise---KOREANOVELA MARATHON haha!) than get the new iPhone...
I never thought he listens to my nonsense blahblah-angst... He takes note pala of every word I say even if it was uttered as a joke... hehe... It feels good to know that inutile as I am, he still believes that "I AM NOTE-WORTHY"...
among these choices,
WATCHING TV/DVD (less strenuous than reading, I guess, coz in reading, your mind is also active (spell: STRESSED)
AND/OR
SLEEPING (which I can't overdo---coz---again, as I've said, I have "brain issues") cause the least stress... or lesser evil if I may say so... because you are still actively doing something "An idle mind is a devil's workshop"...
Pray, yeah right... I do that... but Praying won't take that much time and it only makes me long for Heaven all the more and a lot sooner coz the lesser time I spend in flesh and blood, the better... coz my chances of committing sin is slimmer hihihi)
My ever-loving (naks!) husband saw my painful struggle/boredom in the hospital coz this time around I didn't burden my friends to take care of me... they did hang around but only to visit... no more 24/7 monitoring chats and shifting schedules in keeping me company...
Maybe he thought that my "wanting to cope on my own" was alarming so when he came home from work last night, he handed me this... at first I thought it was a book because it was inside a brown bag from National Bookstore... to my surprise, it was a NOTE!!! Waaaaahhhh!!!
*I remember telling him in passing that I would rather have this whatchamacallit-gadget (the one I often see when I'm doing my daily exercise---KOREANOVELA MARATHON haha!) than get the new iPhone...
I never thought he listens to my nonsense blahblah-angst... He takes note pala of every word I say even if it was uttered as a joke... hehe... It feels good to know that inutile as I am, he still believes that "I AM NOTE-WORTHY"...
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
PWD Chronicles: Better late than never... (Birthday post)
Been in and out of the hospital for months already... I dread the sight of SLMC... I'm panicky at each time I feel any of the countless symptoms... one day, I decided to just live the life the way I wanted... whatever it takes... life is short anyway, why not make the most out of it...
12-01-12... the first day of my birthday month officially started the celebration... went out to buy my wheels... ;-) so I can go anywhere anytime with my boys without the heck of crying everytime my hands & legs decide to go on strike... FYI: I am not permanently crippled, I can still walk but I easily get tired... my muscles randomly go on strike and they just stall... LITERALLY... for my safety, my husband wants me to be on my wheels most of the time... at home, I still get to move around but I choose not to because I am more accident prone now...
12-02 up to 12-11-12... surprises here and there... greetings and great things from everywhere... I couldn't ask for more... my excitement sometimes results to another ER visit... so I have to be relaxed even when my heart leaps for joy everytime I get a surprise... hihihi!
12-12-12... My bro-in-law's wedding... already feeling unwell but I had to be there because I wanted to be there... so I asked God to give me enough strength to spend that very special day with them... true enough, He gave me just enough to last me the whole day... I was getting weaker and weaker (even while I was resting) as the day passes and just when I thought I was going to get better coz we're heading home, the unexpected happened... something inside my gut just decided to say I'M TIRED and I'M OUTTA HERE... boom! I tried to fake smiles but tears just showed themselves in front of everybody... that was when my husband decided to rush me to the hospital (yet again)... I even remember saying: "Babe, wag mo kong dadalhin sa ibang hospital hindi nila alam yung sakit ko... ayokong maging guinea pig..." (my in-laws reside in FARview... meaning: SLMC Global (where my records and my doctors are) is hours away and I might be dead even before I get there in case of emergency...
At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:
Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,...
Me: B, ang kati...
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse...
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...
A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!
I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!
So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)
See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...
I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe
This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...
***Most of the gifts I got on my birthday were religious items... It was not those things that made me pray more and more but the FAITH, HOPE, LOVE that those items stand for... It is humbling when you know that more people talk to God about you... when they light candles to symbolize their ardent wish for your healing... when masses are being held for your speedy recovery... it is more than words to say how much they love you... because they wanted to be with you more... they find this life more beautiful having you around... for me, making them spend more time on their knees for my sake is already a blessing of LOVE... I couldn't be happier, more blessed, more grateful knowing how many people send prayers for me... I live to thank each one of you! You have already brought down HEAVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR ME! Thank you all so much! My heart is filled with your love and prayers!
At the ER, I told the doctor that it was gonna be my birthday the next day:
Me: DOC, AYOKO MAGBERDEY DITO HA...
Doc: Syempre naman... sige I'll give you your MAGIC meds (frequenting the ER made me a well-known patient who just need a shot of Demerol and ranitidine and I'm off their sight)...
OPLAN TUSOK... 1, 2, 3,...
Me: B, ang kati...
Then when I looked at my arms, it was red and VERY itchy...
Doc: Renee (first name basis na talaga kami), yan na lang ang kasundo mong gamot pano bayan... I have to admit you for confinement kahit for 24 hours lang coz we want to make sure your condition won't get worse...
OPLAN TUSOK BENADRYL... and boom! Before I was able to complain, I saw bright lights and dozed off...
A few hours later... I woke up and it was MY BIRTHDAY 12-13-12... I almost forgot I was even there coz I saw this handsome angel greeting me with a big smile: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BANG BANG KO... DAMI MO NG GREETINGS SA FACEBOOK"... waaaahhh si Babe pala... I thought I was in Heaven already... naks!
I remember whispering in a prayer that my husband would surprise me with a dinner date at the Fort (preferably at Aracama)... that I would spend the day with the one who gave birth to me, MY NANAY... to be with my belovedssss hehe... and of course, I wanted a cake, giftsssssss and food fest galore... It wasn't actually the kind of birthday I wished for... but my wishes were actually granted, all of them... I celebrated my birthday at the Fort Global City (yun nga lang sa St. Lukes... Supposedly, Aracama---malapit lapit naman baka na-misheard lang ni Bro kaya I had my birthday at ASACAMA lang ako)... when I woke up that morning my Nanay was there with Chocho... and of course my boys were also present the whole time... my bestest friend Bubba was there... and everybody else was there to personally greet me despite their busy scheds (my bday fell on a weekday, imagine the efforts of those who came!) ... I had not just one but 5 cakes... all of them were surprise gifts from different people who love me so dearly... Gifts!?!?!*** oh no, it was like I had a birthday party... gifts flooded... birthday hugs and kisses... but the only thing I missed was the food fest... I WAS RESTRICTED FROM EATING ANYTHING COZ I HAD TO UNDERGO ENDOSCOPY... Seriously?!?!? FASTING ON MY BIRTHDAY!?!?!? Whatduh!?!? Is this some kind of a joke?!?!?! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!... yeah it was not funny at all... right after that stressful procedure (I was sedated-- so technically,) "after" the sedatives set off, I was told that I still can't take anything as it might irritate my tummy... and I went begging my nurses to call my doctor because for crying out loud IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!!! And I can't eat anything~??!?!?!?!
So for my birthday sake, my doctor ordered for a liquid diet for me... huwaaaaattttt!?!??! yeah, you read it right... LIQUID... liquid rice (it was not even a congee, it was literally water that tasted like rice)... a soup that tasted like meat and veggie and a liquid dessert (a liquid GELatin! that's not gelatin, that's water with gelatin flavor!) ... but then again, I had all my other wishes granted so what's there to complain about... I stayed in the hospital for almost a week (24 hours became 124 hours at least)
See? that's how life has been ever since I got sick... I get to accept all the lemons it has to offer and just mix them with tequila ---- no, no--- I meant... make some lemonade... hahaha! Life is too short to dwell on the shoulda-woulda-coulda... so I just make the most out of each moment...
I may sound weird if I say that this illness is a blessing... but weird as it is, I welcome this blessing with arms widely open because I know that whatever the reason behind this, God has greater plans for me... so what more can I ask for... I was advised not to post about my illness as those who don't like me may rejoice and say that this is my KARMA... well, I have always believed that those who care for me would appreciate it if they will know how I am and would be specific on how they would pray for me... on the other hand, those who don't like me would still not like me either way... so why would I care about what they say... again, life is too short to sweat the small stuff... I have a big world that shows me how much I'm needed in it... I was brought up believing that we all get what we deserve... I deserved to be loved dearly every single day... I may not be sinless but I get to sin less because there's this talk bubble in my head saying: SIGE KA PAG BAD KA MAINIT SA HELL AT WALA SI TATAY MO DUN! That in itself is a blessing because it is not everyday that you get to think of the predicament in hell before you sin... more often than not, we find ourselves regretful of our wrongdoings... Yan ang advantage ng IT COULD BE ANYTIME SICKNESS... mas malayo ka ng one inch sa kasalanan... hehe
This illness is yet my greatest blessing because I get to see how much I mean to those who mean the world to me... I can proudly say that I matter because they get to say it in my face (that's the thing about being terminal... people who love you will find it stupid not to let you know coz it might be too late if they won't)... Everyday, I get to appreciate the sun as it shines and thank the good Lord as it sets... I get to show my love each and every time I have the chance (every time happens to be all the time)... and doing good becomes involuntary... making amends becomes NECESSARY... pride's gone suddenly... and most of all, YOU GET TO SEE WHO YOU ARE MEANT TO BE... that's when you start to truly, deeply, humbly PRAISE AND THANK THE LORD ALMIGHTY...
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
THANK YOU, LORD!!!
Friday, November 30, 2012
PWD Chronicles: Watch and Learn
I don't look sick...
but you don't look stupid...
looks can be deceiving... http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/
I hope those who truly care for me may take time to watch this video to further explain what: "I'M FINE" really means to me... Apart from having Epilepsy, Muscular Myotonic Dystrophy, Degenerative Disc Disease, GERD and a fatty liver, I also happen to suffer this Chronic Fatigue Syndrome... I am not posting all these for pity... I don't need it... I need your prayers... nothing more, nothing less... I don't need judgement, I am bound to face the final one (we all are, anyway)... just please allow me to enjoy life while it lasts...
Despite all these, I am grateful for my life...
my pain and/or the people who want to put me don't can't make me feel otherwise...
God is good!
He makes all things beautiful...
In HIS time...
Monday, November 26, 2012
PWD Chronicles: Fly me to the moon...
Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to explore the world... I wanted to be a flight attendant so I can earn while I'm living my dream...
I've always wanted to travel... to see new places... to meet new faces...
but God has other plans...
After a college degree, a marriage degree and a kid, I still tried my luck...
degree = check...
height = check...
face = DOUBLE check (just kidding)...
vital stats = TRIPLE check (pagbigyan nyo na)
skills = ?HALA!?!??!?! "swimming skill" is a must for a flight attendant...
dun pa lang BOKYA na... I never learned how to swim (because even as a child, I already had this muscle sprain -pulikat- my reflexes were very slow to respond given that I was hyper active pa at that time... back then, I thought it was just an embarrassing thing... now, science has got a name for it "MUSCULAR MYOTONIC DYSTROPHY"-soshal na pulikat/pamimitig ng laman-laman... Now, that explains why I was never successful with girly Chinese garter tricks without getting wounded because I would usually trip & fall face first on the ground as I hopped... hmmm... kaya siguro ako na-'pango'... sabi ko na eh, I have this feeling that I was born with a perfectly-pointed nose but those frequent accidents might've caused my misfortune hahaha...
Growing up, I was able to go places... my parents were self-financed missionaries who spread the word of God to the poorest of the poor---... so I got to travel... but not really the kind that I have dreamt of... it's fulfilling though... I just wished I was able to document those mission works... we went places, gathered experiences, name it... (I'll try to get some photos-if there are still anything left of it)... so I told myself, "this is living my dream the noble way"... hmmm... di ko naman kasi na-mention kay Lord na gusto ko pleasure travel sabi ko lang gusto ko magtravel... that mission work didn't last long coz my father passed away even before he landed to his dream mission trip... THE HOLY LAND... he got financed by a philanthropist who sends preachers like him as tourist guides to the HOLY LAND but before he was able to fly, he was diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis (which is now very clear to me - having the same symptoms due to excessive meds my fatty liver is also acting up- Tatay got his cirrhosis from the chronic liver problems brought about by eating whatever was served during his mission works then... my Nanay would usually scold him for that but she wasn't able to stop him from showing the people in the mountains/depressed areas that he was one of them... his immersion tactics led him to heaven's gate if I may say so... My Nanay would rather have us and herself starved to death than eat food that she didn't prepare-kaya siguro buhay pa kami)... so in short, my travel dreams died with my father...
Being married to a homebody made my dream to travel a luxurious FANTASY that could only happen when I am asleep and since I'm an insomniac, ALAM NA... impossible na talaga... during our first few years as a couple, he would rather buy food, sit back and relax at home than go to the mall to see the movies... given that he is a movie buff, he would patiently wait for his movies to be shown on TV rather than making short trips to the movie house... mind you, we didn't have cable pa then so waiting was like forever... gladly, we both landed a job in the film-making industry, so we got to have free movie passes from time to time... PAMBIHIRA NAMAN KUNG DI PA KAMI MAGMALL diba... I never got tired of praying to God, asking Him to give me the chance to see other places apart from the usual workplace, our home and the places in between... hahaha... True enough that when you pray with the purest intent, He will grant your wish... I was able to go places... thank You, Lord! pero may mali na naman sa prayers ko... sabi ko kasi "LORD, SANA KAHIT MINSAN LANG PALABASIN NYO AKO NG PILIPINAS"... so minsan nga lang... hehe...
Given all the answered prayer, multiple entry visas, the 'moohlas' to travel... I am here... UNFIT to travel... immobile... (thank God, my upper extremities are still cooperating though-oops, wag nating batiin baka maki-join sa pagha-hibernate ng legs ko)...
Can you just imagine how someone who loves to travel, someone whose only dream is to explore the world she lives in feels like when she cannot move her legs given her strong will and unkaboggable youth... it is beyond words... it is insanely absurd... ironically frustrating... but life has to go on... taking those small steps at a time is always better than lying on the bed... getting somewhere is already an answered prayer... short distance walks without pain really make me smile... long distance road trips make my heart shout for joy... and having those moments with my boys captured in photos makes me sing praises... having friends and family who understand what I am going through and reading/hearing/seeing those affirmative gestures of hope that I will be better again already make me feel heaven down here on earth...
I am forever grateful...
I am very much alive...
still breathing...
and hoping for a clearance to travel by plane (aba at talagang umaasa pa ah... OH YES, hope is the air that I breathe...)
And yes, those supermarket trips I usually do alone whenever I feel like it has become an addition to our family bonding activities... I can now have my husband join me inside the fitting room every time I go shopping for clothes... you see the perks of being God's favorite child/PWD-Persons With Divine love... He has got His reason, I am enjoying each season... to date, it is the season of love and unity... because I am never alone... I got nurses - one in SKYPE (virtual Nurse Jill), one on the phone (phone-a-nurse-Eva) and a doctor in the house (Dr. House aka Mr. Big)...
now, my hands are kinda asking me to rest... til my next kwento...
I've always wanted to travel... to see new places... to meet new faces...
but God has other plans...
After a college degree, a marriage degree and a kid, I still tried my luck...
degree = check...
height = check...
face = DOUBLE check (just kidding)...
vital stats = TRIPLE check (pagbigyan nyo na)
skills = ?HALA!?!??!?! "swimming skill" is a must for a flight attendant...
dun pa lang BOKYA na... I never learned how to swim (because even as a child, I already had this muscle sprain -pulikat- my reflexes were very slow to respond given that I was hyper active pa at that time... back then, I thought it was just an embarrassing thing... now, science has got a name for it "MUSCULAR MYOTONIC DYSTROPHY"-soshal na pulikat/pamimitig ng laman-laman... Now, that explains why I was never successful with girly Chinese garter tricks without getting wounded because I would usually trip & fall face first on the ground as I hopped... hmmm... kaya siguro ako na-'pango'... sabi ko na eh, I have this feeling that I was born with a perfectly-pointed nose but those frequent accidents might've caused my misfortune hahaha...
Growing up, I was able to go places... my parents were self-financed missionaries who spread the word of God to the poorest of the poor---... so I got to travel... but not really the kind that I have dreamt of... it's fulfilling though... I just wished I was able to document those mission works... we went places, gathered experiences, name it... (I'll try to get some photos-if there are still anything left of it)... so I told myself, "this is living my dream the noble way"... hmmm... di ko naman kasi na-mention kay Lord na gusto ko pleasure travel sabi ko lang gusto ko magtravel... that mission work didn't last long coz my father passed away even before he landed to his dream mission trip... THE HOLY LAND... he got financed by a philanthropist who sends preachers like him as tourist guides to the HOLY LAND but before he was able to fly, he was diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis (which is now very clear to me - having the same symptoms due to excessive meds my fatty liver is also acting up- Tatay got his cirrhosis from the chronic liver problems brought about by eating whatever was served during his mission works then... my Nanay would usually scold him for that but she wasn't able to stop him from showing the people in the mountains/depressed areas that he was one of them... his immersion tactics led him to heaven's gate if I may say so... My Nanay would rather have us and herself starved to death than eat food that she didn't prepare-kaya siguro buhay pa kami)... so in short, my travel dreams died with my father...
Being married to a homebody made my dream to travel a luxurious FANTASY that could only happen when I am asleep and since I'm an insomniac, ALAM NA... impossible na talaga... during our first few years as a couple, he would rather buy food, sit back and relax at home than go to the mall to see the movies... given that he is a movie buff, he would patiently wait for his movies to be shown on TV rather than making short trips to the movie house... mind you, we didn't have cable pa then so waiting was like forever... gladly, we both landed a job in the film-making industry, so we got to have free movie passes from time to time... PAMBIHIRA NAMAN KUNG DI PA KAMI MAGMALL diba... I never got tired of praying to God, asking Him to give me the chance to see other places apart from the usual workplace, our home and the places in between... hahaha... True enough that when you pray with the purest intent, He will grant your wish... I was able to go places... thank You, Lord! pero may mali na naman sa prayers ko... sabi ko kasi "LORD, SANA KAHIT MINSAN LANG PALABASIN NYO AKO NG PILIPINAS"... so minsan nga lang... hehe...
Given all the answered prayer, multiple entry visas, the 'moohlas' to travel... I am here... UNFIT to travel... immobile... (thank God, my upper extremities are still cooperating though-oops, wag nating batiin baka maki-join sa pagha-hibernate ng legs ko)...
Can you just imagine how someone who loves to travel, someone whose only dream is to explore the world she lives in feels like when she cannot move her legs given her strong will and unkaboggable youth... it is beyond words... it is insanely absurd... ironically frustrating... but life has to go on... taking those small steps at a time is always better than lying on the bed... getting somewhere is already an answered prayer... short distance walks without pain really make me smile... long distance road trips make my heart shout for joy... and having those moments with my boys captured in photos makes me sing praises... having friends and family who understand what I am going through and reading/hearing/seeing those affirmative gestures of hope that I will be better again already make me feel heaven down here on earth...
I am forever grateful...
I am very much alive...
still breathing...
and hoping for a clearance to travel by plane (aba at talagang umaasa pa ah... OH YES, hope is the air that I breathe...)
And yes, those supermarket trips I usually do alone whenever I feel like it has become an addition to our family bonding activities... I can now have my husband join me inside the fitting room every time I go shopping for clothes... you see the perks of being God's favorite child/PWD-Persons With Divine love... He has got His reason, I am enjoying each season... to date, it is the season of love and unity... because I am never alone... I got nurses - one in SKYPE (virtual Nurse Jill), one on the phone (phone-a-nurse-Eva) and a doctor in the house (Dr. House aka Mr. Big)...
now, my hands are kinda asking me to rest... til my next kwento...
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